Handling Grief...

The mother of a dear friend of mine just passed on yesterday morning...this came as a shock, as her mother was found to be quite healthy, despite battling an advance breast cancer for a few years now...

What words of comfort can one offer to a friend in times like these? Her mother was her whole world, her beacon of light through all the turmoils in her family and life...My friend have been having family issues years before...and her mum was her only source of comfort...the reason that she continued to stay strong, and continue her studies...now, with her 'reason' gone, what can I say to help her hang on?

It is times like these that I feel utter helplessness...Give me a tough maths question, I will solve...Give me a confusing cooking recipe, I will google it up online...Give me a crying kid, with an injured knee, I will comfort...but give me someone with a broken heart/spirit, and I fall apart...

Words mean little to me or her even...they feel cheap, as I send her an SMS to 'stay strong'...if I were a grieving child, the last thing I want...is for people to tell me how I should re-act in situations like this...if anything, I just want to plop down on my bed, and sleep for eons and light years...hoping that it is all nothing but a nightmare...

It hurts me to see her grieving all alone...I might be there for her in person...but still, the loss and pain is hers to bear...I would have given my right arm, to have her spirits up again...

Weirdos of different kind...

I dropped by gym as usual today...I have not been as consistent as I would like to, as I have been back in hometown for a week...and final projects to hand in before that...

My usual habit while working on a treadmill would be to scout for a magazine, place them on top of the treadmill counter, crank up my mp3 player to the maximum volume and finally, start my jog...

But today, I realized that I have seen and read every magazine available in the gym, through and through...and I was bored...I decided to do without it and observe the people (guys) around me instead...

So hence the list below...there was a...

1. Mr. Stinky...perspired and sweated a fountain of odor, which I'm sure he didn't make an effort to AT LEAST apply some deodorant...something tells me that he didn't wash his gym clothes, himself or his underwear...or maybe all three...I don't know...what I can't deny, though...is that festering smell of the sewage that assaulted my nose...I had to run the opposite direction for clean air...
2. Mr. Orgasm...also known as Mr. Holler from downtown...I've mention about people like this before, but I'm not referring to the same guy...an attention deficit fella, I presume...he seems to have the need to share his utmost "pain and agony" with the rest of the people...never mind that it is completely a turn-off...and distracting...but grunting, or even yelling the house down through all 4 sets is just asking for a punch in that oh-so-pathetic face of his...I kid you not, his screams are worst than a young women in labour!!...
3. Mr. and Ms. Tighty-pants...self-explanatory...
   
4. Mr. Toulouse (Too Loose)...also self-explanatory...like I said in my previous post...whatever you have to offer, does not interest me...not even your full butt crack...
   
5. Ms. Dumbelina...for crying aloud...if you have a problem doing weights, ask for help...DON'T WHINE!!!...you're a complete embarrassment to the lady community!!...and if you're not used to heavy weights, don't over do it!...what is the sense of lifting a 10kg dumb bell, when you have barely scratched the surface of 5kg weights?...and after that, you literally scream in your oh-so-whiny voice for any knight in shining armour to take the weight off you, complaining it being too heavy...and no, I'm not taken in by your pout or deliberate cries of aches...we both know you're screaming for attention...and of course, the other guys will willingly come to your aid with their tongues hanging out...
   
6. Mr. Egomaniac...wanders around doing nothing...but when he observes a girl walking towards his direction, he pumps a 30kg...real neat...but doesn't work with me...and I called his bluff by snickering...and yes, I know I'm mean in that way...but hmmm...I'm not sure if I cared or not!!
   

Mr. Orgasm was being specially annoying today...literally screaming throughout the one hour session he had...I was so close to giving him a piece of my mind, only to have the gym instructor advising me not to go against a 6 pack muscle guy...So what if he was rippling with muscles??!!...I wouldn't have given him an inch, even if he was He-Man of the 20th Century!!!...

Why can't we just form a certain respect for each other??...to attract unneeded attention to oneself, one has already lost the true reason of the existence of a gym...if you want attention, go to your Mum, will ya??...

Lessajinomoto is really annoyed...Hear me ROAR!!!

Good Vs Evil

It is thanks to this French link...that all my frets and worries have been erased...

Yes, you didn't read me wrongly...it was in French language...but don't ask me how I managed to get it translated to English...I was just messing with a couple of buttons...and...

VOILA!!! (Thanks Duncan, I owe you one there)...it provided me with a software that specially handles virus of a specific kind...No re-formatting required...saved me a month's headache...

Not bad for a self-proclaimed computer mongoloid to figure it out on her own, eh??...*grin*

Woohoo!!!...Lessajinomoto is back in business!!!...

Now, that's more like it...

Handling the Moron...

I guess everyone suffers through it at least ONCE...they grit their fingers, itching to dig their non-existent claws into something...and rummage right through it...

Well, now its my turn...

And no, I'm not referring Chicken Pox here...though God knows that I'd rather take that then what I have to go through now...give me itch, give me fever!!...even a plague of locusts are negotiable...anything but this...

Hands up, all you people who has gone through the pains of being swarmed with computer viruses and their annoying gang!!...

I've been suffering the computer flu for about 48 hours now...some idiot has injected a virus, in one of the software that I happen to be downloading...a pop-up came, telling me a virus alert and advising me to download a spy-ware removal, that will be able to remove the blardy thing...and being the complete moron that I was...I clicked YES...

Turns out, it was a bogus virus alert pop-up...and in clicking that stupid button, I have willingly committed a computer suicide...allowing tonnes of trojans, and wachamacalits, into my hardware drives...the hardware drives icon completely disappeared from My Computer...which means, I have to manually do a Run to find my Drive C:...oh, it still exist...just difficult to locate...the stupid virus has hidden it from view...if it wasn't to my Boyfriend, it would have taken me light-years to find it...

You know what is the factor that usually causes computer problems to worsen?...Computer solutions especially offered by family members...especially those who pretend to know computers when they are actually worst of than me...the great PRETENDERS...

Take my grandma for example...

Belonging to the ice-age...my grandma knows head nor tail about the computer...heck, she is even illiterate!!...but being the domineering and difficult person that she is...she has got to stand right beside me, eyeing my every move while I was struggling to figure out what went wrong with the computer...I don't remember now, what was the problem...I just recall clicking through a few program files, trying to look for a document that apparently got 'misplaced'...and the computer sorta hanged...

But grandma, seems to think that problems can be solved, by banging on the computer keyboard...(Now, she takes to banging the telephone down, everytime the 'engaged' buzz comes along...literal destruction...)

She tells me, "Press this one and that"..."Your computer is useless, get a new one.."

Like what Murphy Laws say..."When the tough gets going, UPGRADE"

She also helps herself, by banging into the keys, which I'm sure she has absolutely no idea what she is doing...

And I used to think, "Hey lady...leave the technology to the geniuses, will ya?!"

Then SPOOFF!!...the computer monitor suddenly goes blank...and then there was a moment of golden silence...I look at her, and she at me...

And she quirps, "I think I hear my phone ringing in my room..." and heads up-stairs...

Well, lady...for a person your age...your hearing seems to be magnificent!!...heesh...

Ah, that was years ago...

Right now, I need to go about reformating the computer...which once again, I wouldn't have a single clue...if my boyfriend didn't send me a 100 page email instruction about it...

I seriously think I need to spend more time understanding my computer...but on the other hand, by the time I have finally understood my computer, it is a high chance that my computer is completely obsolete, belonging to the walls of the National Museum...and I'll have to start all over again...

*sigh*

Ah, well...at least for now, I've got something to blame on when I'm not able to finish my projects...

"Sir, the computer ate my homework!!"

My colour...

I've always liked the blue colour...ever since I could remember...the different shades of blue of the sea, of a clear sky, dabbed with 'cotton wools' of various sizes...lilacs, robin's egg...etc...

If you ask me, I'd say that blue represents a calming effect....turquoise blue works best with me...although other shades would work just fine, be it light or dark...when I was a kid, I always use to wonder, how come artists and animations will choose a dark blue shade to cover the night skies...instead of what it really is...pitch black...I have stop wondering now...because I've now come to realize and feel the 'cool' night breeze in their work...which I don't think I could have felt, if they were to paint the skies black instead...

Raindrops tapping on the window-pane...Lightning zips past by intrusively, lighting up the whole gloomy sky...followed by a baritone call of the thunder...its scary...but you can feel its power...its telling me not to mess with him...EVER...

I sit here in quiet reflection...while the skies make way for the dark clouds, and thunderous rain gets on with doing what they do best...I've been working for such long hours...I feel the need to sit back, and mentally do some serious filing...I'm currently running on auto-mode for a while now...its time I jump-start my brain, give my memory a good shaking up...clear my mind of the clustered ideas...and shelf them to the "Keep In Views" or just toss it overboard...

I suddenly realized...that I no longer wonder about things as I used to, as a child...I tend to fret and worry more...it now takes more than an appearance of a rainbow to get me fascinated and curious...I am no longer in awe, knowing the fact that the gravity of the Earth is very much influenced by the Sun...here, I'm much more consumed by the mess I will need to go through, after every thunderous situations/downpours of my life...

Signs of aging, I guess...

I remember being afraid of dark gray skies, lightning and thunder...I used to think that those three Musketeers, are making a pact...out to get me...when I was a kid, my mum places me in the hands of my maternal grandma to be baby-sat...(not that it was much used anyway...my maternal grandma forgot about me a couple of times...and left the house to play mahjong)...afternoon would set in, followed by those three devils...scaring the daylights out of me...it doesn't help too...that I was not tall enough to switch on the lights to brighten the room...there is a portrait of a tiger in the living room, whose eyes seem to glint and glow, each and every time the lightning strikes...took me every ounce of strength I could muster, to suppress my fears...only to burst out in hurt of abandonment...and fear of being alone hours later...when my mum comes for me...

It is said that the colour blue..."satisfies the need for assurance in a complex world, while adding a hint of mystery and excitement"...

Yea, I guess that's what I'm looking for...a gentle hand, dealing with rough seas at work...that I will be able to handle whatever fate throws at me...

If I could, I'd ask God to make those lightnings less grandeur...and more people friendly...

It just gets funnier...

I have been trying to restrain from posting up my opinion on the current political happenings...as I have not been religiously reading the newspaper online, this week...as I have been before...hence, I may not have a full picture of what is really going on... Yet I just thought I would share one of my thoughts on now-most-famous-issue of the Saiful and Anwar sodomy case...

Up to date...Saiful has accused Anwar of sodomizing him, in a hotel, sometime in June...and is seeking justice for such horror...

And it was only a few days ago, where a similar case of near sodomy happened...

A spunk kid of 12 years, managed to FIGHT OFF a young 27 year old teacher from molested and sodomizing him...and even had the courage, to DEMAND to be sent home...

But from this most famous 'sodomy' case, healthy 23 year old Saiful, was unable to fight back a 60 year old man with a bad back...

If you ask me...I'd say..."What a wuss"...

An update...

My sincerest apologies for not updating for quite some time...I'm still very much alive and kicking...awfully relieved that my arranging project has been finalized and handed up....I managed to cram in a night of studying for my Malaysian Music exam...I wonder how I managed to survived on literally two hours of sleep (I'm not kidding you) this whole entire week...

I have wanted to update this blog for some time now...despite friend's concern and advices, I have decided to opt out for Option B (read the post here) and slog through nights on end living coffee and computer...to get my arranging project done...Yes, it wasn't a very healthy choice...but at least, the couple of hours sleep I had, was a peaceful one...that does not consist of nightmares about missing datelines, computer crashing and wat nots...

Yet, as a result...my right hand wrist hurts like hell for now...from holding on to the computer mouse for too long...(that explains why I've put off blogging for a few days, my wrist is much better now...thank you)...my eyes cross...and my ears bleeds...

One has no idea, how painful it would be...to scan through 52 pages of music notes/scores...in a hunt for a single mistake...that the ear was too tired to make out...to make things worst...this 52 pages of music scores was on the computer...so it was really difficult to see the whole entire page...I had to zoom in and out all the time while looking for that dratted mistake...occasionally, I feel as if I'm seeing double...my brain is confused...my ears bleed from listening to my music arrangement for so long...it has even come to a point, that even the mistake that I was looking for...blended into the music...as my ears was already starting to get used to that jarring sound...(I knew the harmony was somehow wrong...but since I was handling a bunch of alto saxophones, which were playing different melodies...I couldn't make out which instrument it was that has that blardy wrong note...really annoying)...

A typical case of overworking I think...one doesn't feel the body communication...until one has literally placed her project file on the lecturer's desk...and she realized...how much her body aches...her right hand wrist is swelling...her brain on a hibernating mode...her eyes almost shut down...

I wish I had a fairy godmother for now...I would have wish for one day...where I need not think of waking up early...one day...where I can choose to do whatever I want...and sleep in...good grief...God knows...I've tonnes of sleeping hours to catch up!!...

Question of the day :
In your own dictionary...what does personal time mean to you?

For me...personal time, is when I can switch off my handphone...and still be at peace...without being nervous that I could have missed a class...or a project...

What about you?

I'll update more tomorrow...for now...I'm heading for bed...and hopefully...if I can...I will not wake up till the start of the next week...my body has endured enough abuse...I need some pampering...

Good night, folks!!!...Don't let the bed bugs bite!!....

Wrecked...

Its not that I'm out of things to say...well, at least, not for this time...

I've been a nervous wreck this past week...was just done with my violin exams (which I'll share about it soon enough)...and seeing my students through their piano exams as well... now, THAT was tedious...

I've got one more final exam and a humongous arranging project to go...

Date due of this project : 15th August 08...

Being the extreme workaholic that I am, I still did managed to have some time to spare which I could have very well used it to blog...every time I place my hands at the keypad to start typing...a heavy pang of guilt rush through my veins...crippling my thoughts and whatsoever I've planned to write... the guilt of putting aside my important work, for a short high seems inexcusable... I freak out...that I may not have sufficient time to finish what I've started off...

Mind you, I'm actually done with 80% of my project, with 5 days to go till the date-line... I had to start early, as this project of mine, is slightly over my capability...slightly ambitious...but I'm giving it a shot anyway...It gives me a challenge, which I strive on...and I have learn so much in the process...So, I am ALMOST done...the 20% leftovers are the ones that is going to demand reserved energy, which I have completely exhausted...yet, my freakish nature just doesn't allow me to sit still until I am officially done with it...so you can imagine the restless mode I am in...

I'm now considering two options in my hand :

Option A : I can even out my arranging workload throughout the coming 5 days, so that I can breathe easily...I can sort out my thoughts better...and hopefully, my thinking cap will be fully functional....

Option B : I can slog my arse out for the coming 2 days, and be over and done with the project...so that I will be able to get it off my chest...and breathe even easier...

Just so you know, I've not been sleeping much lately...and even during my sleep, I've these weird dreams that get me all so worked out, that I feel much more tired upon waking up...so much so, after waking up in the morning, I've got to sleep AGAIN for an hour or so...just to recuperate from the lethargicness, and even it out...

Hence, Option B sounds awfully tempting to me at the moment...God knows, I'm really dying for a good sleep...and that can only happen once I have placed my project in the hands of my lecturer, and good riddance to it!!

How do I loathe dee? Let me count the ways...

So, I was labeled a geek...shun off as an outcast...teased about for not having the the spunk...someone even mentioned that I need to be 're-educated'...

And the crime that I'm found guilty of...

...having never gone to clubs before, for clubbing...

I for one, have never found clubbing to be a source of entertainment, or for social net-working...Some might debate that clubbing are considered one of the leisure activities, a form of escapism and release....But I beg to differ...

True, life can be hard...so you could want some fun...but clubbing has never been on my list of 'fun stuffs' to do...and allow me to enlist why...

1. It is freaking expensive...
Especially for you guys who has been cursed with the Y-chromosome...bringing your X-X chromosome ladies for a date...To begin with, the entry fees is already high...why should I dig deep into the pits of my pocket, for RM35...just to listen to disco-electronic music (which was never to my liking, by the way)...when I can easily pay RM20 (student price) for a Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra concert, or even a live band...and its 2 hours of pure entertainment?...

And even if entry pass was free, I'll even have to pay till my nose bleed...because my drinks will cost much more than a McValue Meal at McDonald...which part of this was fun so far?

2. Promised of reduced hearing...
Do I hear you yell, "But clubbing is FUNNnnnnnnnn..."...Take note : "YELL" is the golden word here...Even though I've yet to my foot in a club down the street, I know enough...that in clubs, you never talk...neither do you whisper...you yell...shout your voice-box sore...so with the extended yelling, this automatically strips all hope of ever having a decent conversation...throwing it out of the picture altogether...hence, say goodbye to human interaction...

3. Its brimmed with potential sex offenders...
[Note : Now, before any guys hurl a kitchen knife at me...let me assure you that when I say, 'sex offenders', it does not apply to guys alone...girls are very much guilty of that as well...there you go, I've said it...happy?]

The way I understand it...Guys seem to think that chicks at clubs are the hottest of the town...Chicks, all seems to have the mentality that guys from the clubs are swarmed with cash, and drives a Lamborghini...

But even if I was wrong, the extend of the crowd in clubs are so overwhelming,...it is difficult to walk through a club house, without being touched...weather one means to or not...

4. People puke on you...or there is puke all over the place...
Need I elaborate further?

So, why should I find myself in such a torturing situation, when I can jump to Tesco, get a few bottles of wine and glasses, and enjoy it with my gal pals at home...where decent conversations are applicable...a good laugh would exist...a certain warmth in the mood, without the techno music beating at every pulse?...Seriously, who needs clubs?...In fact, there are times, I'm happy spending time alone..it gives me some moment to clear my mind...and allows me to dwell on leisure activities that I enjoy...reading would be one...Counter-Strike would be another...

Let the Game Begin...

Top news of the week...

Prime Minister Abdullah + Deputy Minister Najib Tun Razak = corruption of highest order

For more information on this, click here.

[Note: for readers who do not understand Malay, I am really sorry to disappoint you, as there is no English version of this official letter, but I'd be most happy to summarize it for you]

A politician pro-government UMNO from Petaling Jaya has just filed an official letter accusing our Prime Minister Abdullah of making the greatest of offense, in terms of corruption, by offering his (Prime Minister) seat to our Deputy in year 2010.

The claim was that both Prime Minister and Deputy, has been trying to 'buy' their UMNO members, with luxurius gifts...in exchange that they are able to retain their positions despite their failure in the March 2008 elections...The luxurius gifts mentioned are travel overseas, free stay in prestigious hotels, extra allowances, etc. It is also said that these money comes from the finance resources of the government itself...in other words, the society's hard-earned income-turn-tax....

This politician is braving the deep sea currents by appealing that both the Prime Minister and Deputy be severely punished, in order to restore the credibility of UMNO government....

Now, comes my question...

The private investigator, Bala Subramaniam disappears, right after the day, he submits a statutory report that could put Deputy Najib behind bars...he is found in another country..."for a holiday"...

The private doctor, who has examined Saiful (the acclaimed sodomee) has written that the 'victim' was clearly NOT sodomised...he stands on his ground as to not change what he has written...and now, nobody can find him...nor track him down...

So, I'm just counting the days...as to when this oh-so-Brave-Knight UMNO politician will disappear...

Let the game begin...

Wanting...

HP Pavilion dv6800 Entertainment Notebook

I am eyeing on this baby...Intel Duo Core Processor T9300 (HP Pavilion)...its not as great as an Apple...but, ah...it will do...besides, the specs looks inviting...unlike MAK CIK laptop...

more Aunties to come...

So...the price of petrol, has increased...purchase of rice and oil has gone up...nothing went down...except for my savings in the bank account...

But no worries, people!!...our Malaysian government has our welfare in mind!!...They increase our electricity charges, which leads to cement retail price raised, due to price increase in petrol (transportation) and electricity...They give us cash rebate of RM625 per renewal of road tax, as petrol pocket money...to help us cover the whopping RM7000 (estimated price) we have to fork out a year for petrol...not including car maintenance...nor outstation traveling...cost of rice has shot up too...from RM11 to RM40...good...LOCAL made rice, and the price almost quadrupled...

The Terengganu state forks out RM3.43 million to purchase 14 Mercedes E200 Compressor in exchange for the 16 local made car, Proton Perdana whom they claim cost them RM1.3 million a year, in repairs itself...All these
people, whom salaries and luxuries we citizens are paying...through our sorry arses and God knows what else...

Now, following the manufacturing of Proton Saga 20 years ago, (tin can design, with crappy 1970's Mitsubishi engine), Malaysia is now in the process of manufacturing our very own Malaysian made computer, MAK CIK, which will cost us no more than RM1000...cheap, you say??

Let me save you the hassle of clicking to the website, and just provide you with the specs here...taken from here, the official website...

• Touch Screen (No Keyboard, No Mouse)
• 16" wide screen with vivid colour
• Equipped with WiFi, Bluetooth, WiMax
• Work with any TV
• Built in flash memory
• Easy accessible
• Processor (Don’t know yet, top secret.)

What they never told you, is that there are NO HARD DISC, due to cost reduction...and the speed of their 'TOP SECRET' (so they claim) processor is only as fast as Intel Pentium 4...I was just wondering...when is it going to occur to them, that the most recent processor...is Quad-Core Processor...and Pentium 4 speed, that they have gloated about, is nothing impressive...

And to add salt into the wound...MAK CIK in Malay language, actually means Aunty in English...best of all, the government are actually aware of it!!...Apparently, this oh-so-colourful-product-name is suppose to appeal to all house-users, and older generation...Honestly, I am not at all turned on...in fact, I'm horrified, to the insides of my bone...why not create a cooler name, that will appeal to citizens of all ages, like MyPC, etc?...

What image do you think the name AUNTY will create?...I can't imagine any guys/uncles purchasing that, do you??...besides, aunites give the image of a sweet, yet old lady...dawdling around, cleaning the living room...and cooking in the kitchen...Can you just imagine for a second, how an AUNTY computer would be?...probably takes me 30 minutes to start, random tempers hurled around which will require me to reboot...and the damn computer will want to clean out the dirt (virus, spywares) every 2 hours!!...who will ever want to endure such unstability??

Like what Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear would say...

"AMBITIOUS but utter RUBBISH!!"

Did I mention that MAK CIK is not even internationally recognized?