All in a days work....

Quite a purposeful day...for me, at least...

I managed to get a much needed opportunity to practice on the piano...refreshing, would be an understatement of how I felt when I placed my hand on the keys...these days I was feeling restless...as if there was something in the cosmic world poking at my back...but I couldn't figure out what it was...tried to brush it aside...trying to convince myself that I'd probably mis-placed something...and my subconscious is ringing a bell...or probably it is trying to remind me that I forgot something...well, if it was, it would be useless anyway...I have no clue to what I should be remembering that I ain't remembering...

But upon touching the keys, and playing some jazz standards; 'You Don't Know What Love Is', 'Body and Soul', etc...the restlessness melted away...and for once in so many days, I felt at home...the prodigal child has returned...

Goes the saying...

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~ Berthold Auerbach

Hence, I was able to produce some solid work during my piano lesson with my teacher...we discussed a lot about arrangements and big band sounds...the musical shades and colours...melodic contours...horizontal harmony...and triggering of an image...inspiring and challenging...really gets me on the move...

Decided to give myself a break and pamper myself with a reading marathon...Since I was looking into some fresh topics such as Sociology and Criminal Minds, I decided to head to Kinokuniya bookstore in KLCC...which was about 45 minutes drive from my teacher's place (including traffic jams and all)...got lost a bit, damn the stupid Malaysian road signs...but all was well...

Got bitten by an unknown bug, I think...while all the gals my age are enjoying chick lits such as Confession of A Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, Sex and a City, by Candance Bushnell which covers the breadth of post-feminist issues like love, courtship, and gender...I am now going through the online crime libraries, reading about the unfortunate rape and murder of Anita Cobby, Caylee Anthony case, etc...all homicides that never failed to make me feel sick in the guts...the murderous details and thoughts of the criminal give me creeps...but nevertheless, my eyes were glued...my interest grows...in wanting to understand what goes through the minds of these souless souls...my curiosity has a much bigger appetite than I can imagine...

So while in Kinokiniya, I managed to rake up some books on criminal psychology...confessions of a serial killer, behavioural sience...nothing makes my day, than a good book to read, comfortable seats with background classical music...and of course, a cup of hot coffee for the finishing touch...

Then comes the most memorable part of the day...I made my way down to the parking lot, and queued up to pay my parking ticket...I didn't bring much cash with me...just RM15, as I didn't plan on buying anything in the bookstore...I took out RM10 from my purse...I didn't know how much exactly was the parking rate in KLCC...but I gather it should be about RM2 per hour...making my whole bill to an approximate RM9 seeing that I've spent exactly 4 hours and 24 minutes in that mall...

I slot in my ticket..."Please pay the amount shown on the display," the stupid machine repeated in a most monotone lady voice...I looked up on the screen...RM13.50...WHAT the???!!!!...Forgive me...but I very nearly cursed aloud...I couldn't help myself...I looked around...for a moment, I thought the machine went nuts...then my eyes caught the sign listed with the parking rates...RM3 per hour...blardy hell...I then suddenly remembered why I have always refrained from driving to KL town, opting to take the monorail instead...man, that was complete daylight robbery!!!...

I made my way to my car...RM13.50 poorer...was thinking, that I might as well have bought the book, and left earlier instead...at least, my money would be well spend investing on a book, instead of contributing to this high-class mall and its taxes...but on the other hand, if I had left earlier, I would have been caught in a peak hour traffic jam, which would have annoyed me terribly...either way, I still lose...I had tried to save myself some cash by reading books of my interest in the bookstore itself, instead of purchasing them...but I guess my efforts are all down the drain...*sigh*...

Was lost in my thoughts for a moment there...and when I looked up, I realized that I have walked way past my car, and got slightly disorientated...no worries, though...just a slight detour...car should be just around the corner...nil...well, probably the other corner...err...nope...haha...those poor guys in the car who was looking for a parking space...I didn't realize that they were tailing me with a hope to get one...it broke my heart to wave them away, and see their flickering hopes vanish...NOT!!...haha...cruel, aren't I??...*grin*...I was exaggerating...of course, I never thought of that...But after a while, I finally decided to head back to the parking machine booth, and start from there once more...when I reached, I realized what my problem was...I was in the wrong floor/level...I paid my parking ticket in P1, while my car was parked at P2, a level lower...blardy hell...

Got into the car, and headed for the road...Man, the last time I drove to KLCC, was light years ago...The signs were most helpful, though...a bit to helpful, perhaps...cause it wrote the names of every street nearby the mall, and showed the arrow, left and right...that will lead you to that specific street...such an ingenious idea, isn't it??...the problem was, they have then put misery upon people like me who are completely uselss when it comes to street names!!!...Don't recognize a single one of them...Pinang Street, Tun Razak street...hopeless...

Tossing a coin, I decided to head for Pinang Street...the road took me to Impiana Hotel, and I just followed the traffic from there...I saw a road sign on my right, that writes "Cheras", the destination that I am suppose to head...the taxi in front of me, turned to the right, following the sign...so I did as well, tagging behind him at a consistent speed...and while there wasn't a traffic jam, there were plenty of cars...still, I was not panicking...as long as I followed the traffic...

Suddenly, the taxi swerved to the left...no light indicator switched on, nil...man, what a road jerk!!!...when all at once, I understood why he did what he did...the lane he and I was in, the most right...was headed for a hidden tunnel...with a sign in white, and bold green letters...KLCC PARKING...blardy hell...stupid road signs!!!...what are the signs for, if they are placed in a position, impossible to view...till its to late for the driver to make a safe turn??...damn it...

While the taxi managed to escape from entering the fateful tunnel, I on the other hand, weren't so lucky...there were many cars behind me, and I was to much an obedient citizen, to cross the double line drawn on the road...so I went in...took another parking ticket...again...and came back out...thank goodness, that the first 15 minutes of parking entry is free of charge...

Well, that was the Lessajinomoto adventures for the day...If I were suffering amnesia in years before, I am telling you that I am remembering everything today...

#1. Never ever drive in KL, unless you are willing to have your life considerably shortened...the stress, handling both the traffic, and brainless moronic drivers...is just ain't worth it...chances are, a majority of people working in KL town suffers from high blood pressure...I could feel mine just tipping the scale...

#2. KL shopping, are meant for the yuppies...the parking rate says it all...man, RM13.50 can last me two main meals (rice, veg and red meat and a cup of chinese tea)...and even that, I would have balance left!!!...

#3....ah well, if you happen to have any tips on surviving in KL, do drop me a note...

The Death of Democracy

Malaysia mourns today...at least, I did...

Deputy Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak was declared new UMNO president today...this would mean that he would be succeeding current Prime Minister Abdullah Badawi, and taking his place...Corridors of power opens, and nothing to hold him back...he is literally invincible...and above the law...

He has won his seat, not by election but at the expense of many other politicians who have been crucified on the alter of political sacrifice...Political heads that is deemed a threat to his hold in power, have been decapitated and outlawed...

This is truly a sad day, I feel...Don't get me wrong...I am not saying that Prime Minister Abdullah Badawi has done such a terrific post that he should stay and retain his post...Neither am I saying that we are to give Abdullah Badawi a chance to redeem himself...

I am saying...that I personally feel Abdullah Badawi is the lesser of two evils, compared to Najib Tun Razak...Abdullah Badawi may not be the most capable leader in Malaysian history...but his departure for Najib's grand entrance would make haste, for my country; the path to a swirling disaster...Many called for Abdullah's resignation, when the walls of Barisan National (BN) fell apart...they seek his blood for the humiliation that (BN) had to endure...but many also failed to forsee possible consequences of having his successee, Najib Razak take his place...

I am not at all excited for my country...and the new UMNO president and coming Prime Minister does NOT have my support, whatsoever...

Now that I am older...as I devote the same amount of attention to the ongoing politics, as I do to the growing pimples in my face...I learn to understand how important it is, for one's Prime Minister to have the trust of the majority to run the country...to cradle his nation in the palm of his hand...Hence, I would expect a Prime Minister to be of great integrity...not only in terms of character...but in handling his office...and personal life...

The way I look at it, Najib Tun Razak holds none of those...Without any intention to accuse Najib, he had his name tarnished...smeared beyond recognition...plenty of allegations to his name, which none of them were cleared...hence fuelling more doubt in the hearts of the nation...fuelling more fear too...

And this does help, especially when these allegations were not confronted, he remaining silent when being challenged...and to find the challenger being suspended from the office for a year, without giving the challenger an opportunity to defend himself...

This certainly is a Dark Age for us fellow Malaysians...Democracy has been buried, following the power grab of the Perak State by the BN...with all the seize power tactics, which includes disappearance of certain important politicians, money-politicking, blockading of assemblies by police...I can't help but wonder what kind of age and leadership is Najib going to bring our country to...

I don't think I can talk about this anymore...for once, I am truly depressed...truly sad...the days for our nation looks bleak...all I can do, is to have faith...and believe...not in Najib...but in our nation...that democracy will one day prevail...justice will be seen to....

If you don't mind, I think I will be dressing in black and white this entire week...and if I had a flag, I would hang it half-way down...

Ctrl-Alt-Delete

If I were to compare the 2008-Lessajinomoto and the current standing one, I would definitely say that I am now much more committed to my work, more passionate about the things that I do, and more aggressive in achieving goals...hence, I now see much improvement and I am able to stay focused much longer...

~ am learning to give myself a pat on the shoulder, and cut myself some slack...

But somehow, I have missed looking into finer details, such as mastering some specific bowing techniques on my violin, brass attacks on my compositions, using altered scales for my solo improvisation...

And what's more, I have missed the main practice...to list out more achievable goals, and taking them out one at a time...instead of aiming for the biggest piece of cake...and getting somewhat discouraged and disillusioned at times...

I need to jump-start my engine...re-look some goals and work my way around it...

I need a detox...

I believe in CHANGE...

To the leaders of Malaysia,

Last year, President of USA, Barack Obama made a moving speech, on the 'Change We Need'...Though I live at the other end of the world, I too, would echo his words, as I too believe in change...many will say that I am pretty naive and idealistic to even hope for one...some have even advised that "This is the reality of life...accept it...life will be less disappointing when you do"...well, I have not lived through life long enough to be broken-spirited (yet)...*fingers crossed*...so as long as there is still breath left in me, I will continue to hope...

I must confess, though...that there are many a times when things seemed all too depressing, and beyond help...makes me wonder, if hanging on to my stands and principles in life, were of any good...so far, they have brought me ridicule...of course, for my own self, I earned self-respect...but in general, it tested my faith...and I find myself standing on shaky ground...

Our beloved country is in crisis...the leadership transition has never been this crucial...whomever is chosen, will either lead us to great success...or drown us in a gut-wrenching sea of chaos...Democracy is hanging by a thread as it is...everyday, newspaper are filled with certain politicians being accused of money-politicking...bribery...all obvious moves to bring down one's opponent...to tear down the integrity of your fellow mate, whom you once called friend...

Its a jungle out there, in the political world...one that I would never comprehend, nor would I be interested to...but our land of glory needs a clear direction...she needs to hear the shouts of war...fighting to overcome the financial tsunami that has hit her fellow children...The recent economic depression has led to much social unrest...I do not think we need dosage of political adventure in our daily lives...watching you amuse yourself with petty arguments and differences when clearly, you should be looking out for common interest...and for your people who is in need of your help...

Hence, here is my plea...

We want to hear of concrete evidence and wise actions of our leaders on getting on top of the economic downturn...we want to be assured that we are able to fend of the effects...and survive the darkess hour...United, we stay strong...Divided, and we become weak...as we have yet to recover from the hit, dwelling on the past and dealing political cards for a win is hardly helpful...

So the UMNO presidential meeting would be coming up next week...but before any cabinet is established, whatsoever...it is in my opinion, that the government is in need of a good detoxification before it can function as one body...literally, an internal cleansing...starting from the top...

Yes, I am asking that the leaders of Malaysia hit a growth spurt, and start taking their jobs seriously...I would want to hear more about our economy, and less about the foolish pussies that has nothing to do, but to pick a racial card...and start throwing members out of the Parliament...

If I were to come clean, I will tell you that I am on the brink of slipping into skeptical hopelessness...as I watch tensely from the bench...I am constantly fighting the tempation within myself...the temptation to forgo all hope...and live a life void of all emotions...but as much as I may rant and complaint about my country...I am still willing to stand for Malaysia...and all that it represents...

Been feelin' like a jerk...

I once had a close friend that was dear to me...

She has been hurt much, and there has been many times I cried for her...as she shares with me, her personal problems and her struggles, I feel her pain...and yet, I know that I am not the person to counsel her...God knows, that her pain is way past the surface...and would need a qualified counselor to get her through this well...all I could do, was be her friend...be there for her when she needs me...be her shoulder to cry on when she calls...and keep her in my prayers as I bid the night goodbye...

That was in year 2003...about 6 years ago...through the years, she has been loved...many friends gave her care...lend her an ear...gave her shelter, for a moment's escape...prayed for her...as for me, we grew closer as the years passed...at first, I felt that she demanded a lot of my time...meeting her a couple of times a week, and 3 hours in average, each date...but I managed to convince myself that it was worth the sacrifice, as she goes through emotional healing...

Time passed, and I thought that she was be strong enough to stand on her own. to feet..I believed that she was...it seemed as if she was...as months passed, I decided to draw clearer and clearer lines about our meets, and the time that we could spend together...I was in KL then, studying and working full time...not to forget that every leisure minute I have, I have to spend them on piano and violin practices, and extra band rehearsals...I was physically and emotionally drained...so it came to an agreement that we would meet once a month, and when I am on my college break...

This went on for 3 years...there were times I were not able to answer her calls, or reply her messages immediately, as I was either in class, or working...and doing so, would reflect my un-professional-istic ways...so while waiting for my call/reply, the demon would brew thoughts of insecurity within her...and I would then re-organize my words, and explain my situation nicely...so that she would know that I still do care for her...

She understood my situation...or so she says...for after some time, she messaged me to tell her that I have hurt her too many times that she could not continue with the friendship no more...and that was that...that hurt me...and hurt me deep...I kept quiet...and explained to her, that although I felt disappointed, I accepted her decision...

It was only then, that she replied saying that it wasn't her intention to end the friendship, but it was a way she used to "get my attention"...unknowingly, that hurt me even more...it made me feel cheap...and I didn't know what to think...I admit that I am quite naive and idealistic in many ways...and that is my downfall...She wanted to continue the friendship, but my heart isn't wanting...my mind tells me to "forgive and forget" as she asked of me...but it was easier said than done...Forgiving wouldn't be my biggest hurdle, but fear...so I kept quiet...

I was tired...I still am...I recall back the many times she shares her frustration and rants...to date, I realized that many a times, the issue isn't only with the people that hurt her...but is the fact that I feel, she is still gripping hard to the past...sometimes, I wonder if she unconsciously feels happy holding people guilty sometimes...I know it is cruel of me to think that way...

I came to that conclusion, because of the situation that is before me...she says that I have hurt her much, by not spending time with her...but I did and have made it clear, that since I am being more occupied with my studies and work; I would not be able to spend as much time as I did before...when I was gallivanting my time away...she says she understood...but if she did, I believe that she would not feel the need to seek my attention as she did...but ah, I am not a shrink, so who am I to say...

And now, she has taken a step further, and tried to commit suicide...I am not sure how, but that was the message she sent me...the latest news is that she went for another counseling, and discovered that she was suffering from self-rejection...and she would be going through another bout of healing...

So here is my confession....

6 years ago, I cried for her...I allowed her to enter my life...and I symphatized with her...no matter how much the time it required of me, it didn't matter...as long as she was heard...and knows that she is loved...friends and counselors came to help...and I knew she was in good hands...

But it looks like, emotionally...nothing significant has changed after all...she is still hurting...and depressed...even to the point of suicide...the circle continues...

Last time, I would rush to her, at every call, every cry...today...I find myself hesitating...holding back, just a bit...I feel like a jerk, for even wondering...could she be trying to get people's attention??...

I want to believe she isn't...but my thoughts can't deceive me...

Now, I am beating myself up...I wish I could be there for her...to tell her that I care...that she needs to hang on tight...that I would want to help her...

But I hold on to the telephone...I am not the person that she needs...her pain, isn't something I am capable of handling...as much as I would want to lend a hand...I am not sure I can trust her with my heart...not the way I have in the past, anyway...

I see friendships in black and white...if I can get along with that person, he/she holds my heart...110 percent...I may not keep in touch with everyone of them...sometimes even for years, but they are in my thoughts...and for those I decided that is not worth my while (jerks of wat-nots), I would not even bother saying a sincere hi...so call me a snob...I believe my definition of friendship will be clearer as I see more of the world...but it will stand as it is now...

I feel like crap, being caught in this dillemma...for any friend, I would have stayed by their side...and fight for them...then why do I find myself hesitating??...

This is one that I can't sort out...or at least, I am afraid of the answer, that I may already know...but may not be ready to admit...

Week 10 Updates...

Pardon the silence...and no, I have not died...

This is by far the most agonizing week of the year...ever...

It is the ABRSM Theory Exam next Monday...and I, being ambitious (but rubbish at many times), have registered 10 students (8 of them which are of high grades)...

And it is this week, that they choose to grow mushrooms on their brains, and forget the most basic of music theory...yes, that includes grouping of notes according to time signature, key signatures of scales, chord inversions and wat-nots....all very careless mistakes...

*groan*...of all times, why do they prove to be specially dumb this week?...why can't it be the week after next?...or did they do this, just so they can enjoy seeing me freak out throughout their lesson?...

Understandably, I have been running around, chasing my kids for the entire week...I have been giving them extra classes, even during my off days...but it just doesn't seem to be sufficient...and funnily enough, I have already completed their syllabus last year in October, so that they have abundant time for review, go through past year exam questions, etc...went through with them every itsy bitsy detail and mistakes...but today, I can't help but feel that my work has been undone...

I need a miracle...really...

I know I am aiming really high for my students...but I am confident that they can get it...now if only I can get them to drink some Red Bull just before the exam...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just had a short break, just two weeks back, spending a day in Genting Highlands...and I came back the next day, all pumped up and raving to go...but I am now looking forward to another break next week...Penang...my cousin and childhood mate, Jo is getting married...and secondly, I need a breather...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I send two of my jeans and a long pants to fix a couple of days back...and had to pay quite a hefty sum for it...I think I just got ripped off...man, I have got to learn how to do extensions on my own next time...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Plan to go back hometown next week, over the school holidays...and back to my ever-dramatic life with my grandma...and being her chauffeur for the week...and most probably drive her to Penang, so she can join her friends for another gambling session...so what's new...

Btw, my boyfriend has really mastered the art of pampering...*grin*...after last week's incident, he took us out for an eating spree...and some book shopping...clothes shopping...more eating...not at all good for my waist definition...=)...haha...he definitely knows the way to a gal's heart...*winks*

Brainless Morons...

So yes, I am going to rant a little today...a lot, in fact...if only I could get my brain to work normally...I think I have a right to feel pissed...and I have a feeling that I am going to stay that way for a long time more...

Some moron parked his car so close to mine, that I could not open my driver's car door...that a**hole...can't even stay within the blardy parking box...you had to tread in mine...and to make things worse, my driver's door has a chip mark as big as a 10 cent coin...no prize for guessing what happened...it must be that moron's friend who was PMS-ing on the passenger seat...choosing to open his door so freakin' wide and rough, the door brushed against mine and got stuck...in its impatience, he pulled his door back, resulting to chipping some paint off my door...

FYI, I just painted my beloved car, a year ago...deep, maroon red...really nice...and expensive too...

If it was just a black scrape, I would not mind so much....nor be bothered about it...my car is a maroon red, so you would not be able to see the mark, unless you were to sit in front of it and stare...But in this case, the paint was chipped off...And now, at the driver's side, you can see a glaring white spot where the mark lays...all spoiled beside its glory...no apologies written whatsoever...just me, my car with THAT mark, and my seething anger...

(this is the part where you may want to cover your ears with cotton balls)...

Don't say I didn't warn you...

"WTF!!!!!"..........

Dearest Moron who chipped my car...

You have the right to remain brainless...but man, if I ever do see you around, I will kick your arse...LITERALLY...mark my words...I am warning you...

Hear me roar...

Lessajinomoto

p/s : I need some anger management therapy...any suggestions???...if not, my boyfriend is going to get really bruised today...*sigh*...

My Portrait...

So I happen to have a lil' darlin', who is an artist in the making...and like any well-known artists like Leonardo Da Vinci, Georgia O'Keeffe, Wassily Kadinsky; he would find inspiration through any possible means...

For example, Van Gogh had a brainchild, when he came across a beautiful lady by the name of L'Arlesienne... and came up with this...

Potrait of L'Arlésienne (Madame Ginoux)

- February 1890

Pablo Picasso (a personal favs), using bold colours, produced a painting of a young little girl, believed to be of his daughter...

Maya with Doll (Maya a la Poupee) - 1938

And of course, our bro, Da Vinci obviously had Virgin Mary in mind when he painted this picture...

Madonna of the Yarnwinder -c. 1501

Ah, such beautiful people, aren't they??...unique styles, great depths of meaning, such antiquated concepts...I have always wondered what I look like if someone as talented as them, would have the courage to draw me....

And it just so happens, I got lucky...I needn't look very far...I did have a Leonardo Da Vinci in the house after all (product of Malaysia, mind you)...and with me as his only ever-so-divine inspiration of the moment, he drew me...

Presenting my first portrait ever...

The Portrait of Lessajinomoto
- 7th March, 2009

I sure hope he is hiding somewhere...cz he just lost me my potential suitors...and my dignity...

This is a complete exaggeration...I don't have long protruding teeth!!...and my nose 'whiskers' does not dominate the entire land fill of my 'snout'...and those flippers...*sigh*...

But, yeah...I am all meat, fat and bones...so there!!...I prefer to be stuffy, then an aneroxic look-alike of Keira Knightly...an ironing board with a face...

Keira Knightley

Man, it just striked me...there is a striking resemblence of her...and Michael Jackson!!...the face, I mean...strong, defined jaws...erm, slightly unproportionate to her body, etc...

Having said all that, I do wish at times, that I could control my need to eat excessively...but do not be weary...it isn't the way I look that I am concern about...it is because my eating habit is difficult to sustain...financially...well, physically too...

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.
Elementary penguin singing hari krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking edgar allan poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I AM THE WALRUS,
goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob. Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob g'goo...

- I am The Walrus by The Beatles...

[note : the song is an inside joke...and I still adore the Malaysian made artist...as horrendous as he made me look...*winks*....]