Sufiah has spoken

So, following the recent news on Sufiah, she has expressed no regret being an escort whatsoever...and even sees no wrong enjoying her life that way...frankly, I don't think we have the right to pass judgment and rebuke her so...the fact that 'she expressed no regret'...goes to show that she has given her job enough thought...and still went on with it...as much as I wouldn't mind us Malaysians handing a helping hand...she has spoken...'She is adamant about continuing her career because she has a nice life'...enough said...

Now, can we now shift our focus to people who really IS IN NEED of our help??

On another matter...this petty argument going back and forth between several party leaders has gone on long enough...it is almost a month anniversary since Barisan Nasional has lost...and they still can't get the hint??...the only way of winning the society back, is to buckle up their belt and grind through these five years to come...before the new election is on...and they lose again...

I can assure you...if they continue on like this, the main reason they won't be having my support at all...is not because of the insensitivity of our ex-political leaders...but its the fact that they are not able to stare at defeat in the face...and do something about it...such leaders, I wouldn't trust the government to it...especially at the face of crisis...

I cannot say that I am a fan of Abdullah Badawi, nor Mahathir, or any other politicians for that matter... (though I have my opinions on them, which I shall reserve for myself...)...but I would say...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...hasn't Barisan Nasional lost enough face as it is??...Would they, in the name of pride and ego, continually puncture the little more pride that BN has...for their own name??...please, just keep numb...and prove to us by your actions...that you guys are worthy of our vote...stop the 'pointing finger' game...

I thought the pointing finger game only exist in our primary school...it did for me...and I enjoyed it very much...but ONLY when I was a kid...

...and these politicians are no kids...

p/s: can the STAR newspaper so kindly withstand of publishing such childish arguments of these oh-so-amazing-politicians of ours...and come up with something fresh?...with all honesty and no offense, as an avid reader of the STAR, I am really starting to get bored of the whole drama...

I am as sinful as hell

Greed:	Very Low	 
Gluttony:	Medium	 
Wrath:	Medium	 
Sloth:	Very Low	 
Envy:	Very Low	 
Lust:	Very Low	 
Pride:	Medium	 

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

On Sunday Mornings...

Jim Davis has not lost his humour, that is for sure...
and I am feeling way crappier than the above...

You don't wanna live for days like this...

This ain't any usual day, that is for sure...and this is not by pure coincidence...that it happened just to add to the stress that I'm already feeling...now that my graduation recital is slightly short of two weeks...

I was looking forward to violin class today...Somehow, for godness knows what reason...I started off my day with a good spirit...I think it is one of the wonders of the world...that I am able to blog and share...without inserting an expletive or two...here and there...

With much determination, I decided to leave my house on time this morning...instead of being the usual 5 minutes late that I always was...especially for violin class...I felt completely at ease...it was a traffic jam all the way...but I didn't mind...nor did I care...I had the time to spare anyway...and five minutes on the road...a needle burst my bubble of happiness...

I forgot to bring my violin...it was sitting in my room...probably reflecting sadly and chiding me for forgetting the very thing that I left my house for...how absent-minded...never mind...that just allows me to reach my violin teacher's house just on time...so I drove back home...and OUT again...

Have you ever read about the Murphy's law??..."whatever CAN go wrong, WILL go wrong"...One of the most famous sayings of the year...I used to smirk at it...tease it...and call it a bluff...but I'm starting to believe it...as you will understand as you read on...

I was nearing the Sungai Besi highway, almost reaching my violin teacher's residence...when I smelt rubber burning...damn, that is not good, I thought...probably its the brakes...never mind...fix it later...then I switched gear to allow a car to over take me...and that was when I saw it...SMOKE...

Shit, the engine is burning...I stopped...in the middle of the freaking highway...and slowly guided it to the left side...but it was smoking so hot, that in a moment of panic, I turn off the car engine...even before I made it to the emergency lane...

Put on the hazzard light...no panic...I am, after all, a very experienced person...when it comes to cars breakin' down, I am blessed by it so much I've lost count...and you don't wonder...my car has been on the road for bloody 26 years!!...Heck, it is older than I!!...so its no surprise that this old baby breaks down on me...its time for me to give it an over-haul...but because the car is so antique...the spare-parts are almost obsolete...thus, making it freakin' expensive...

Lifted up the bonnet...that babe was so hot, it create condensation on the pair of specs that I was wearing...can you believe it...my car engine is even hotter than the environment around me...which is already one of the hottest day of the year so far!!...

I had to let the engine cool down first...before I could speculate what went wrong with my car...so there goes my violin lesson...I called my mechanic...because he lives so far...it would take him an hour to reach where I was (inclusive of the time being stuck in traffic)...so while waiting for him, I walked down to the toll office to get some nice guys to help push my car to the side...I can sense the traffic slowing down already...all obviously curious about what this sweaty, perspiring girl, with a bunch of wire as hair...and no hair-band to push her hair down...was doing...abandoning her car...in a quest for walking a mile long...to goodness knows where...

I certainly chose a wrong day to dress nice...long skirt, high heels...a shirt NOT made of cotton and DOES NOT absorb sweat...is definitely not ideal for one to go for a stroll on a hot day...let alone walk a mile long...by the time I reached the office, I looked as if I just jumped into a swamp...and out of it...not pleasant looking at all...but surprisingly, was in a good mood...don't ask me how...God sustained me...

I managed to push my car into the emergency lane...traffic seems to be moving faster now...less busy-bodies around...then I planted myself against my car...blasted my mp3 player...and sang to the heavens...I don't think the angels have heard a scarier version of Armando's Rhumba, than mine...

Mechanic came...and told me his diagnosis...I promise you...I don't hate this guy...he is a nice guy, my mechanic...doesn't treat me like a dumb blonde...and takes his time to explain to me several things that was wrong with the car...but I have to confess I am afraid to hear him speak...because it seems to be (though it wasn't so)...every sentence he brings forth, burns a hole in my pocket...its an additional hundred here...a fifty bucks there...yadaa, yadaa, yadaa...the pains of being an owner of a 26 year old car...

I managed to get the car fixed before the clock strike 11pm...that is almost 12 hours, since the break-down happened...lets just say that though I endangered the lives of probably millions of people on the highway...by suddenly switching off the engine at the last minute...I managed to save myself half a thousand bucks...if I were to continue driving, my engine would have brunt through...and I would have to get a new engine...now that several parts are burnt, I just had to pay for the spare parts...and workmanship...and that was almost half a thousand bucks as well...

Head gasket changed, valve gasket, 4 water jackets, fan clutch oil, engine servicing...labour...well, I don't think I am being over-charged...but its not like I had a choice...so...there goes my half month pay...I think I will have to stick with oat meal for a couple of weeks now...

And you would have thought my worries for the car was over...

"Hey, you gotta change your wheel bearing, before your wheel falls off completely." ( I took the liberty of translating it to English for reader's convenience)

"How much will it be if I fix it...and can I do it later?"

"Sure...it can last a week...it will be RM150 at least"...

I'm telling you...if it wasn't for the manual gear and its driving performance that I enjoyed so much...I would have sold this car to a junkyard...and even they don't want it!!...I am paying for this baby's health until my nose bleeds...heck, this baby even has an insurance...and the owner (me) does not!!...

And this is followed by a 2 hour black-out in the middle of the night...causing me to lose a few hours of sleep...

Tsk...Murphy's law...heesh...

Dilemmas

The sun usually sets at 7:30pm (Malaysian time)...but today...it didn't...it was pitch dark gray by 5pm...and literally black by 6pm...suits my mood I guess...I need to sort things out in my mind...but it is so jumbled up at the moment, I don't know where to start...if I'm not talking sense, bear with me...

I got to know *John a few days back...we didn't exactly became friends at once (or so I thought)...I needed his help for my graduation recital...and he was introduced to me by one of my lecturers...to be frank, I barely know him...I know his name, and I know which department he is from...but that is all...I called him a couple of hours back, to see if I could meet up with him, so that I could brief him with the details of my graduation...we were suppose to meet today, but I had to postpone, as I was scheduled to do a replacement class with a private student of mine...he asked if I could meet in his house...and I didn't have the guts to say "No, I don't think that is a good idea."...as I feared I would offend him or something...actually, I think I would...seeing that the very reason of my fear and judgment, is that harm may fall upon me in anyway, you know what I mean?...I don't want to give him the wrong impression, but I just do not feel safe entering a guys house...when I barely know the guy...and no, I don't consider half hour of talking as getting to know someone...

Maybe I will try asking him out for a drink or something...or get a guy to accompany me...I just hope he doesn't get the wrong message...if not, I don't know who else to look for to help me for my graduation recital...

*Names changed

For updates, I am still 60% done with my solos...(I am trying to memorize them...but I still keep breaking down)...and for Wildlife, I have got to think of an arrangement that will make me look more prominent (stand out)...and I don't know how...*add as many expletives as you wish*

A Slap on the face

This is written on a sad and disappointed note...I have decided that it is for the best, that I do NOT get the African choir to sing for my graduation recital...I have been thinking about this for a couple of days now...and my heart was not at peace...for a couple of reasons:-

1) *Virtue asks that he comes to my house...despite;-
a) me telling him that it is an inconvenience as I have got to drive 15 minutes back to my house and go through all the tolls...and drive him back again....
b) I barely know him
c) there is no need to do so

2) *Virtue ask that I meet him in HIS house for briefing, instead of meeting in college...(and that is a big ANTENNA warning going on there for me)...

Overall...I just don't feel at ease with this whole arrangement...plus, he wants me to go to his church to perform a song...not that its anything weird...but to ask a person you barely know...to perform in church...for me, it is quite unheard of...

It is just not working for me...I have enough worries in my head as it is...

Its in cases like this, that I'd rather mis-trust...than trust...

*Names changed

Things are REALLY starting to go wrong...(this is NO April fool...)

I feel as if I'm on a FULL-BLOWN nervous break-down...

p/s : To be continued...I don't feel like blogging about it at the moment...still in denial mode...

A Dash of Luck

I received this SMS on my handphone this morning...waking me up at an unearthly hour of 8.12am...(don't anyone say anything...when Monday is the ONLY day of the whole week that one gets to sleep in, 8am is then considered an unearthly hour...)

Here is what it said:

hello emily.iv(I've) told sme(some) of my friends.they've agreed but only afta(after) xms(exams).I nid(need) 2 c u 4 sme(some) more briefing.

From: *Vitrue
8:12am 31-MAR-08

p/s: bold and dark red italics, mine
*Names changed

Yipee!!...I am going to have some African friends over to help me out with the Wildlife piece!!...they will be singing...and handling the hand percussions...Now, that is one LARGE problem of my chest...I can breathe easier now...*grin*...

It did get worst after all

updates on my preparation for grad recital...(continued from here)

For an ensemble (band), I have chosen four not-so-simple-as-I-thought-it-would-be...Third Wind composed by Pat Metheny and Lyle Mas, Wildlife by Russell Ferrante, Rhapsody in Blue by our all famous George Gershwin and lastly, Mr. Melody, as sung by Natalie Cole and composed by Charles Jackson and Marvin Jerome Yancy....

Let's start with Wildlife, shall we??

....this is one complicated poly-rhythmic piece...as we had to juggle between a 7/8 time signature and a 12/8 time signature, both going on at the same time...it turned out to be quite simple, really...we were just suppose to take the sixteen notes that goes on throughout the 7/8 time...as a metronome...and count 12 sixteen notes from there...and WALLA...we have ourselves a poly-rhythmic pattern...the only problem is, how do we get the stupid sequence out of our head...and start listening out for what is "between-the-lines"....

But that wasn't the first problem I had to encounter...but I wouldn't want to spend 15 minutes elaborating on that...I have even shared this before in my previous post...though I must confess that after all that ordeal, I didn't come out very much techno-smart than I have before...

It turned out that the sequence that I have invested so many hours on...didn't really work for me(us)...not that it fell apart or anything...its just that the we never could end together with the sequence at the change of sections, you know what I mean?...somehow, somewhere...we, the human species sped up...and we leave little Woodchuck (I gave my sequence a name) behind...we didn't do it on purpose...but on the other hand, we couldn't afford the time of breaking down the whole song, and working out in sections once more...my graduation recital was in 2 weeks...and it is clear, time wasn't on our side...

So I decided that we go more primitive than we plan to...by asking another human species play Woodchuck's part...and we had to fire Woodchuck on the spot...he might be depressed...he might not...well, I will handle that later...may even use 'him' the next time...when we have the time to really sit down and nail the song down...

As for the choir, I've mentioned before...my original plan wasn't very much ambitious...just get a couple of my college-mates to sing the African words, suck in a couple of hand percussions...and we are good to go...but Mr. Arif's idea...was ingenious...he suggested that I go look out for an student from Africa to see if he/she could help me out...and that I did!!...He has not given me a reply, by the way...which reminds me, I need to do some follow up...

Third Wind...wasn't so difficult as I have expected...I discovered that when people say "You must listen to the song a couple of thousand times"...they were not joking...the last time I played it...I think I have listened to this song a couple of hundred times...and yet I failed...I couldn't pick up the 5 against 4 pattern easily...I am mis-counting ALL THE TIME...it led to quite a tension within my band, let me tell you...

But now, I have heard the song, till my ears peeled...and I find that...I can play all the tricky parts...of course, I make slips here and there...I'm still a slight tad nervous...

The song is almost done...we are just waiting to play with our lead guitarist...which was suppose to be a classmate of mine...but weeks back, he told me that he wouldn't be able to commit to practicing this piece...as he, too had his own graduation to prepare...he is graduating 3 days earlier than I...

No worries, thought...my now ex-lead guitarist is a responsible guy...and he managed to find me a replacement...frankly speaking, at first thought...I was slightly disappointed...and hesitant...but I now realized that all my worries was actually a waste of time...the current guitarist is a good one...managed to pick up the piece pronto...no problem...now, I just have got to find a good time where he and the rest of my band are free...so we can meet TOGETHER and practice...we have been practicing separately so far...

Rhapsody In Blue is A-okay...its about the only piece that we are REALLY down and good to go...I'm taking Chucho Valdes' arrangement more or less...a mix of mambo feel...and a dash of swing...ending with a solo flute and drums over a montuno...worked out nice...

Mr. Melody is okay too...I just need to work out several voicings in my chords that are found to be clashing with other of my band mates'...but besides that...we should be done...oh ya, we are adding in a guitarist to give it that funk-ish feel...it is after all a samba-funk-disco-poprock song...*grin*...

Well, that is all I can remember...now that I'm writing out the progress...I'm starting to feel better about this whole graduation performance thingy...thank God...

Just when one thought it couldn't get worse...

I thought I'd write myself an update of how my preparation for my graduation recital went...this is more for me, actually...I want to remember it...every itty gritty detail of the frustration...and contentment (as rare as it may be)...I want to continually reassure myself, that I have come a long way...that I am so close now, to the performance, that I shouldn't be entertaining the thought of withdrawing...

So, I've got 7 songs to work on, consisting of 2 solos, 1 duet, and 4 band songs...

I started work on my 2 solo pieces, one is Since We Met, composed by Bill Evans...and another, Over the Rainbow, composed by Harold Arlen...I started on both, last semester in September '07...Since We Met, was challenging in terms of constant change of chords (2-3 chords per bar)...but it wasn't so popular due to lack of promotion...those who are avid fans of Bill Evans, may have heard of it...many moons ago...So since this Bill Evans piece wasn't all that famous and known, there were very few CDs, that featured that piece...which means, I had to start from scratch...all purely my arrangements, and nothing more to depend on, other than my major piano teacher...and on top of that...my itchy brain, had to reharmonize it, now making it all the more harder to remember...

So that was a jazz piece...as uncommon as that song have been, Over The Rainbow, on the other hand, has been over-comercialized...everybody knows it...from the senior citizens of the old folks home, to a three year kiddo...everyone has heard of it once...from a mother humming a lullaby, to listening to it over the radio...hence, I had the difficult task, of producing an arrangement, that will be able to stand on its own...without having people to go..."Oh, that dreaded song...AGAIN"...so this time, I'd thought I'd add a bit of salsa latino rhythm into it...

Both songs are now complete...I just have got the mountainous task of memorizing it...so we'll see how that goes...

The duet piece, was more challenging in a way...Canto Antiguo is its name...the piece was suggested and picked out by one of my good friends...no prizes for the person who guessed the name right...*grin*...

Canto Antiguo is a folk song...very simple melody, which my friend would be playing, using a tenor recorder...and I, will be playing the counter-melody with my piano...Upon the existence of melody, and counter-melody...then it is understandable, that the first idea of arrangement that came into my head...was to compose a some-what Baroque like piece...ala J.S.Bach...

Yea...big mouth...and a big brain...the size of a tiger prawn...by day 2 of my grueling task of being a Bach wanna-be...I was ready to quit...but I was in a dilemma...its as if, my left brain which holds all logic...is screaming at my right brain "What the hell were you thinking??!!!"...which my right brain which holds all emotion tells it to shut up, as it has its pride to consider...(reference here)

For a week, I studied Bach's Perlude and Fugues...he is a total G-E-N-I-U-S... B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T...really...nothing short of that...for the life of me, I will never be able to do what he did...Do you know that J.S Bach had to produce a cantata (a piece which is sung) for church every single week??...that makes about 52 cantatas in a year!!...and just so you know, in composing a cantata, he will have to write for sectionals such as the violins, organs, trumpets, etc...and let's not forget the whole choir, with four individual parts...that is an insane job to have!!...and yet, he manages to find time to write the Brandenburg Concertos, Fugues, Inventions...and the list never ends...

And to think, that there was one day, that Lessajinomoto thought she could give this fugue composition a chance...when chickens and ostriches fly...and the cow jumps over the moon...then she will be able to compose a little canon...

Ah, but it was just completed a couple of days back...it doesn't and is not committed to every rule that Bach practices...but the sound is close enough...the rest, I'm too tired to give a care...I just want to get on with it...

Writings about the band later...need my ZZzzzz....

In the midst of turmoil...

THIS

IS ME...

My head is somewhere...I just need to take some time off to find it...

Fingers crossed

Graduation recital is drawing near...The song Wildlife (of African influence, mixed with insane poly-rhythms) is just about ready...I am just lacking of choir members that is able to pronounce Swahili words...thus, I have called Wisdom (yes, its a guys name...how cool is that!!), a guy from the Chemical department of my college...he came a long way from Cameroon, Africa...to study here...I understand that he and his friends love choir singing very much...and hopefully, they will agree to sing this piece for me...it will contribute so much more, in producing an African atmosphere...and best of all, they can probably teach me a thing or two about their culture!!...I just worry that they may refuse due to time constrains...so, I am praying really hard here...and keeping my fingers crossed!...

Updates later!!...

p.s : The idea of getting an African native choir group, was Mr. Arif's idea, I'll have you know...hehe...I would have never thought of that myself!...

Handling rejections

I've been sitting in front of the computer for quite a while now...While 3 years back, I have been a total doofus when it comes to computer...I have now gotten a hang of simple stuffs such as blogging, Microsoft Word, MP3 Converting, etc...SIMPLE STUFFS...

But I have never had a deep love for computers, if you know what I mean...I would not mind using the computer, learning how to install and un-install some softwares...but when it comes to hardwares, I leave it to the experts, no matter how easy they can be...

But today, I had to explore the world of transferring a MIDI (Music) file into an external hardware (my piano keyboard)...and with much confidence, I took the External Hardware Manual, plopped down on my chair and started my quest...I mean, transferring files should be a piece of cake, since I've doing it with a 'guide', wouldn't it??

WRONG...

I swear...I read and re-read...and re-read every freaking instruction that the Manual had to give...I followed EVERY ORDER...from going to Control Panel-System....yadaa, yadaa, yadaa...to Music Download software installer...and yet, there is this irritating tiny balloon that pops out ever so often, telling me that "There was a problem during the hardware installation. Hardware may not be in working order."

Every time that balloon appears, my heart seems to wince in pain a bit..."Calm down", I told myself...I might just have overseen some instructions here and there...no problem...flip through manual again, from Page 1...

Rechecked the USB connection...check...Piano keyboard switch on...check...MIDI instructions on...CHECK...ok, that should be it...I'll try again...

"There was a problem during the hardware installation. Hardware may not be in working order."

I clicked REFRESH...hopefully whatever stupid thing that the computer could have missed...it will be detected...

"There was a problem during the hardware installation. Hardware may not be in working order."

I clicked the REFRESH button again like crazy...Not that it will do me any good...I know...but I honestly didn't know what to do then...and I was irritated...

Same results...

Screw it, I thought...we'll try out the software first...its probably not a big problem...I clicked into the software...Opened the file I wanted to transfer...and clicked SEND...

30 seconds passed...

A bigger balloon popped out : Transfer failed. Connection cannot be found. Please try another port.

I looked at my computer screen...there it shows that there were six different ports...Cool, no problem...I'm sure one of the stupid ports will be the right one...

I clicked Port 1 : Failed
Port 2 : Failed
Port 3 : Failed
Port 4 : Failed
Port 5 : Failed
Port 6 (last resort, and I must say, my heart was thumping hard, and I was unconsciously praying fervently...)

FAILED...

I am sure that I am wrong about this...but my eyes tell me that the 'failed' word, seems to get bigger and bolder every time it appears on my screen...

I'm usually not a quitter...but for now, I put up a white flag...I'm depressed...I've never handled so many rejections in such a short time before...track record...more than 20 'fails' in less than 30 seconds...

On Shopping...

I know that I've never managed to keep my loathe and dislike for shopping in my previous post...but I now have something to confess...I lied...well..sort of...

I love shopping...but for books only...in fact, I'd rather go through shelves of books...then rummage my fingers through a clothing rack...

But do allow me to enlist why...

1. Annoying sales people...

"Miss...this looks SO a-ma-zing on you!!!...and you have great legs...and the skirt would just fit you perfectly...and you know what would make it better??...a set of high heels" (Note : I took the liberty of translating it from Cantonese to English and correcting some grammar for easy reading)

Breaking into annoying mono-syllables, emphasizing every word to death...she acted as if a red shirt with white polka dots was the most amazing article of clothing ever mass produced...as if the idea of this pathetic fashion designer was a work of a genius...but I chose to disregard the fact that she was merely complimenting me in a sheer attempt to make money...muttered a "thank you but no thanks"...changed into my own shabby clothes...and walked out of the store...no shirt, skirt nor high heels...

Besides, I didn't appreciate that she was tagging along with me EVERYWHERE I WENT...Yes, thank you very much for the undivided yet unwanted attention...but I still value my privacy...I don't think that self-serving comments on every itsy bitsy act that I do was helpful at all...in fact, I feel that there is an annoying fly around me, that refuses to leave me alone...I've got nothing against sales people...but please, with all due respect, leave me alone...sometimes, I feel insulted that you are hanging on my tail all the time...as if I am a suspect for shoplifting or something...just hang around the store...and I will call you when I need you...I don't need someone sticking to me like a leech all the time, especially in clothes and shoe shopping...all these shopping is a painful process...and is best suffered in private...

2. Crowd...

Here, I've got to admit, I am referring to ladies as a whole rather than guys...I love guys when it comes to shopping...in my observation, when guys walk up to a pile of neatly folded clothes...they would usually pause for a while, in contemplation...considering the products that are placed before them...they usually take the 'look but do not touch yet' approach...and will only mess with the pile if and ONLY IF, they think that the clothing is worth their hard earned money...and most fantastic thing about guys is that most of them will attempt to smoothen the pile once they are done, so that it looks untouched...

But go take a look at the ladies section...there goes a picture of land of mass destruction...women turns from their petite-and-ever-so-fragile act...to horrible beasts from hell...they, will take a perfect pile of folded shirts...go through the ENTIRE sack of clothings, RIP one out from beneath twenty shirts (and leaving the rest of them in a sorry state of disorder)...and hold it against her body...decides the shirt is not her taste after all...throw the shirt back in with the mess...and repeats the circle for at least twenty times before leaving the store with one/two clothings...

Makes me wonder at times...so the shirt on the top pile, may not necessarily be her size...but the shirt on top IS identical in pattern to all the other shirts beneath it...Why mess up the whole stack unless you REALLY want that shirt on the bottom??...

3. The frustration...

Oh the joys of shopping...where do I start...I think I've mentioned it before...shopping for shoes, is ALMOST impossible...unless I want a KIKI-LALA imprinted on the soles of my shoe...shopping for clothes are the worst...there was a time, when I was much thinner...and so was my bust...and shirts just didn't highlight my cleavage or whatsoever...so nothing suited me...not to mention that I am completely colour blind when it comes to clothes matching...and also, I was never up to date with the latest fashion...

Now, that I've been more 'prosperous' sideways and on my bust...most of the clothes that I try on just makes me look plump...well, not the black ones...but I've got enough black shirts in my wardrobe, thank you very much...

You know...its painful to be rejected all the time...but I've received so many rejections, I thought I should be used to it by now...

Appreciating the Space

Today...for the first few times, rare ones, as it is...I have done something that was totally rewarding...

For today...I did...nothing...yup...accomplished nothing...

Well...not TOTALLY nothing...now, that I come to think of it...I did practice my graduation piece 'Wildlife'...with my boyfriend...and we had a tough nut to crack...especially on the rhythm...but other than that, I spent the whole day walking...window shopping, both in Leisure Mall...and MidValley...ah, I did do a couple of hours of beautiful reading...

Yes, I do allow myself to indulge in this 'personal time' once in a while...after all...I am working 4 days a week now...classes 4 days a week too...and the rest, I spent practicing my piano (both jazz and classical...I'm preparing for my LTCL piano Dip. at the moment)...and my violin as well...my timetable is usually so packed...that my school mates, those who are patient enough, that is...would have to booked me a week in advance...some have already given up...even one of my dear friends has commented that "It is easier to book an appointment with the Prime Minister than it is to book one with Emily..."...Yes...that is a sad case, I've got to admit...I enjoy every working minute...yet, I hunger for a good empty slot...like...TODAY!!!!....

Classes canceled...and I decided to work myself...in a leisure walk...and for those who knows me...Emily Goh rarely shops...for shoes and clothings, that is...books, she does not flinch at all...but shoes and clothings...you have got to shop with her, to know what pain in the neck she is...totally zero fashion sense...capable of wearing a pyjamas to college...(I only tried that ONCE...okay...no biggie)...yet, one have got to understand as well...how frustrating it could be for her to shop for shoes...can you imagine, stepping into every shoe shop...only to know that there is no shoe that is smaller than a size 4??...and yes, so she wears a size 3...but that is no excuse to publicly humiliate her by sending her to the KIDS department, is there??...come on...give it a break and save her some dignity, you know...so she was 'blessed' with one of the tinniest of feet and hand...big deal....

But yes, thank God...today...for once, she found a pair of shoes that she could wear...it was slightly big, no doubt about that...but she has just about given up, asking for a size 3...its comfortable enough, thats what is important...just make sure that she is not climbing a hill on that...or she will be standing on feet of a pregnant lady, that's for sure...swells all over...

Ah...the insanity creeps back tomorrow...my hands will be full with the handling of rascals, that parents unleash upon me...to a certain extend, I'm okay with that...I rather take this, as a form of escapism...then to have to handle emotional frustrations and stress that overwhelms me at times...when I'm emotionally frustrated with the happenings in college...work and violin/piano practice becomes my sanctuary...and things does not seem so bad...at least, work and practices tires my brain, as to keep my heart from messing with it...so I need not think of what troubles me most...until it is time to do so...