Sunday, January 4, 2009

Letting Go.....

A brand new year...and hopefully, with improved habits...

I could start this post by stating the list of reasons of why I have been infrequently posting these past few months...and while I am at it, I would probably add that I have been traveling back to hometown more often, last month especially...and there weren't any internet line...my family isn't too big on Broadband/Streamyx stuff...The majority of the blame, would fall on my internship, which I was slogging to ace and pass, so that I could get a good credit on my paper...Results isn't out yet, so I am still trying to keep my fingers crossed...

But of course, nobody likes to read a post that starts with tonnes of insincere apologies and claims of how busy their lives have been...

So I'll just keep it short and simple...I have not been blogging, because I couldn't get myself to put my thinking cap on, and think about a blog entry...hence, my disappearing act...I've been suffering a lazy bone lately...

I envy people/authors/bloggers, who are able to write effortlessly...their brain juice are seemingly endless...while I struggle for the right words to come to me...and many times, it is as hopeless as leaving a bed unmade, and wish that the blanket will fold itself...maybe someone would be kind and care enough to do this ever-so-painful chore for me...Words have been absent as I have been...

I wish for a burst of creativity now...

Year 2008, have been all in all...quite generous, I must say...no monstrous challenges, unlike years before...or probably experiences of the past, has made me tougher...or maybe I am just living in denial...I don't know...

Am trying to find my own identity at the moment...what I want to be remembered by...I am now an official graduate student of UCSI, having passed all my subjects (finally...thank God!!!)...but I am not sure if I want to be bound into this comfortable concept of 'music teaching' for life...that the society perceives us to be...

Many times, I feel incomplete...inadequate...I feel there isn't anything that I am doing...one that makes me stand out...that would become my forte...one point against my music college...is the fact that we are introduced to everything that a music industry can offer...but we aren't given the hands on experience, so we could actually explore what we would really like to do...in other words, I do have a general idea about recording and producing, composition, performance...but it is all basically theory and facts...

I worry too much, some people say...and I guess they are right...I am a jazz piano major...and I should work at being good at it...instead of crouching in a small corner, and throwing myself a small pity-party...*yea, I need a good kick in the butt at times...no, all the time*...I always worry about not being able to catch up with my peers...but constantly worrying and beating myself up...yet, doing nothing about it...gets me nowhere...

I just need to learn to cut myself some slack...get my fingers grinding the chords...I've been too careful ...just playing safe last year (2008), a protective layer I placed around me after all the hurts I have suffered in terms of friendships...but I have rested enough...

Time to let go...and just enjoy the ride...

Happy New Year, everyone!!!...May your year be as exciting as mine will be...*winks*...

2 comments:

Philip926 said...

Emily, I always look forward to reading your posts. I wouldn't worry about how often you post; after all, it's YOUR blog. You don't have to follow other bloggers, march to your own beat.

I will tell you (if you haven't figured it out yet) that being a musician makes for a very hard life...teaching music as I've done for the past 25 years or so has taught me that. Nowadays, that alone isn't enough to put food on the table. I've been playing solo piano in hotels since the 80's. And doing computer work for the past 15 years.

If you're thinking about a music teaching career, you should opt for teaching on your own too. True, it's hard when you first start out, but the rewards outweigh the difficulties. You get to pocket 100% of your students' fees, for instance. And you're your own boss. Nowadays, I get to be selective in who I choose to teach, but in my earlier years I had to take every student, good or bad.

You can still teach in a music school, but teaching on your own should be on your agenda too. I've seen too many teachers rely on music schools totally, and frankly, some of them don't even teach properly.

Just my two cent's worth. Have a great year.

Lessajinomoto said...

Dearest Philip,

It is great to hear from you again...

Thanks so much for your advice, I truly appreciate it...

I have been teaching for almost 2 years now...but I am currently not sure, if this is what I want to do, for the rest of my life...so I am still doing a little soul searching...

hopefully, I'll get some answers this year...But if I do have any queries about piano teaching, I'll be sure to look you up...

Do take care, and have a happy new year!!!