Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Reality of Shopping...for clothes...

I am aware that I have mentioned this before...but I realized that I'm not quite done with ranting so I'd like to add something to the post I wrote some time ago...

I H-A-T-E SHOPPING!!!!!!

Well, there are certain times when I would make exceptions of course...nothing is completely absolute...minus book bargains, and an occasional wine tasting (that doesn't count as shopping, does it??)...I absolutely detest shopping...you know when I hate it most??...its the days just before Christmas, Chinese New Year, Raya...any big celebration that shopping malls will maliciously unleash their ultimate weapon...the BIG GRAND SALES...

You'd think that it is the one and half hour long queue of cars scouting for parking spaces that could annoy me...or maybe it was the bad disco-tized Chinese New Year music distorting on an inflamed amplifier...it could also be all those bitches of destruction that threatens to rummage through every neatly folded clothes on sight...

But no...I'm not going to rant about that today...

For all my friends who have seen me...or if you have actually met me more than once...you've probably seen my whole wardrobe...plain t-shirt and long jeans...an occasional sleeveless shirt thrown in (which I will then attempt to cover with my jumper/sweater, sweating my blessed pores out)...I am just no good with fashion...nor have any interest to shop for clothes...my friends usually recoil in horror, upon discovering my dis-interest...but surprisingly, I am not at all affected by it...even till now...my mum usually has to drag me to a shopping mall, at year end...but she gets so turned off by my bored look...she usually lets me hang on in the book-store while waiting for her to finish...

But here is the fundamental issue of shopping for clothes...

Most clothes that you see in shopping malls...are usually NOT designed for ladies with...a certain volume...

I mean...if one is a stick insect, that has a twig for a figure...and with small breast like split peas stuck on an ironing board...then she can sleep well...she is completely 'insured'...everyone designs for her...hell, she could wear a potato sack and still look great!!!...

However, if you are not-so-proportionally shaped, like me...y'know...undefined curves, a love handle here and there...TONNES of cellulite...then you're in for a tough time, pal...completely out of luck...all those elegant clothings that fits on those blardy mannequins look shit on you...but we all know it, don't we??...Yea, those darn mannequins never have got to wear bras...

Fine...so I go inside a shop...looking for some light-coloured top, to go with my green pants...I saw some interesting clothes (shirt and pants) on various mannequins...so I decided to pick a similar design, with the right size, of course...and headed for the fitting room...

So far, so good...but as soon as I try on those dainty clothings that looked so good on those plastic figurines...I looked into the mirror, and at once...was confronted by what looked like a hideous and freakin' whale...not a pretty sight at all, I'll have you know...the top spurts with flesh that has no place to go...not the expected sexy "Oh, you can see a bit of my bra" kind of way...more of the "OMG, I hope it didn't take more than 4 people to strap you into that little gizmo!!" kind of way...and also, the pants were revealing bits of underwear that they shouldn't...

With the little pride I have left in me, I gracefully and undauntingly made my way out of the shop...when I realized...those mannequins will never have to deal with such a traumatic experience as this...Not only are they more than modestly proportioned...but the clothes they were wearing was ever so cunning pinned so that they look as if the clothing fits just right...and like I said...they never had to wear bras...

Lucky hussies!!!!

1 comment:

Duncan (a.k.a yelvertoft) said...

Unless your photo at the top of your blog (the one with you in the kimono) is hugely out of date, I think you are being paranoid. The "love handles" and "tonnes of cellulite" are all in your mind. The pressure on women of all ages to look unfeasibly unreal is extreme and causing great harm with a shocking reduction in subsequent self esteem. This is causing far more damage than the advertisers would believe. I feel very sorry when women with your kind of build feel that they can't wear fashionable clothes. It is a sad state of affairs.