Saturday, September 5, 2009

Clowns Part 1 : I might just make it!!!...

Note : Skip to the last paragraph if you happen to be short of time...or uninterested...

The white painted "jolly" expression, marred by blood-red eyes...the fixed smiling face, that makes you just a tad more than apprehensive...those mega huge dark red boots...the crude and colourful baggy clothes with elastic suspenders...The offensively coloured hair...they were once thought as amusing characters who brings laughter to people's live...revealing to them a whole new world of magic and entertainment...More often than never, now they seem to be anything but that...well, in the movies, at least...


I've never hidden the fact that I always had a fear of clowns since childhood...its called "coulrophobia"...man, I didn't know it was so common, that they actually have a term for it!!...I just found out online a few days back...I never was scared in the rigid-with-shock-and-panic kind of way...more of a case of the heebie-jeebies...seeing a particularly malevolent sight of a clown would cause my stomach to come undone...and I will avoid anyone and everyone dressed as a clown...be it the jolly old one down the street...

People may ask...why the extreme??...Let me make it absolutely clear...that I am now all grown up...and have discarded beliefs about Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, clowns in the sewer, Mr. Sandman and all that jazz...even before I hit puberty...I am aware that there never were Santa's little helper elf that make tiny toys, and a Santa that knows if I were naughty and nice...There weren't any Tinker Bell's who was going to place a 50 cent coin under my pillow...I realized that for myself after my 2nd attempt of placing my baby tooth before going to bed...

St. Francis of Assisi once said..."No one is to be called an enemy...no one does your harm...you have no enemy except yourself."

I find that quite true...and applicable to every situation even for this...It isn't so much of a clowns' act that I fear...more of the mental image in my head that I am trying to escape from...vision of clowns that return to haunt my subconscious...that paralyzes me...of course, my imagination doesn't help...and has a tenancy to over-exaggerate...

My first encounter of this clown conundrum was thanks to Stephen King whose novel IT and the subsequent TV series about Pennywise, a sewer-dwelling, child-eating clown...It was in the early 1990s...when I have just finished the novel (I was about 9-10 years of age, I think...)...and was really excited when I saw in the newspaper that IT was to be screened on TV...the novel gave me the creeps...and being a young-blooded soul, I was eager to watch the show...and to be "pumped with the adrenaline rush"...after all, it was the first time I had permission to stay up...and, it was my first horror movie...

Nothing prepared me for the goriness of it all, though...That novel still scares the hell out of me...blardy thing...and I try to avoid it at all cost...For weeks after that, I felt the need to check under my bed before I went to sleep...look down the sink cautiously as I brush my teeth...leave the dirty dishes till the last minute...till it could wait no more...Everytime I think 'clown'...I see Tim Curry's portrayal of Pennywise...the sheer horror that inspired in me, even at my age now...my hair stands...

So after all this nonsensical chatter...I am sure you would be asking...what am I doing to overcome it??...well, first of all, I have just finished downloading the TV show It (1990)...
*my sanity here is questionable...I won't deny it*...I am going to watch it once more...and see where and which scene exactly that hits my nerve...maybe if I know and determine where I first got scared out of my wits...I'll know that there isn't much to be fearful of in the first place...save me thousand of dollars in therapy, wouldn't you agree??...hell, now that I am seeing it with adult eyes, I might just laugh through it all!!...Note: MIGHT...

Krusty the Clown (from Simpsons) may be the ONLY clown that I can look at, without a cringe...at many times, it help tame the dark images that toys with me...for a short while...but still...

2 comments:

Angélica said...

good luck with that =/...you will post about your experience after seeing the movie right? please i wanna laugh...[no hard feelings ;]

my brother has this same problem...

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