I've probably mentioned/blogged about this, more than I should...I just need to get it off my chest, for the last time, before I put this subject to rest...so for those who are tired hearing me rant/ponder on this, feel free to skip this post...
Grandma has been staying with my family for 6 years now...my dad made this decision, and our lives were changed forever, in a split of a second...there was a part of me, that welcomed her...as it was my prayer that she would be able to come to a place called home...instead of jumpin' around, bunking in with friends and traveling all the time...but the other part of me, feared for my family...as she is a typical example of a daughter-in-law's worst nightmare...and I crossed my fingers as to what my family might be forced to endure...
So, it has been 6 years, we've put up with her...trying to meet to her demands and comply...Buried behind her insecurities, lies a self-centered behavior from a dysfunctional family...her mother died while she was young...while I try to be understanding, and respectful, I have come to find myself filled with resentment as time goes by...
She makes frequent and inconsiderate demands on our time, questions every move we make, throws a tantrum when things do not go her way, makes up stories, etc...I try to remind myself to accept her for who she is...that instead of wishing for her to change...maybe...just maybe, we could learn to work around her...
There are many times, I feel sorry...thinking what it must be like to be her...completely insecure...yet, her very action, in her wanting to be part of a family, is driving us away...her need to control and boss everyone around...
My friends have been frank enough with me, to tell me that...they could see resentment seething through me, even at the very thought of my grandmother...and yes, I have got to admit that they are right...
I resent the amount of energy it takes, to be around her...I resent the tensed atmosphere, every time she is around...I resent that she demands every single second of my father's time, when we siblings are trying to have a cordial conversation over dinner...and I resent the hurt that she causes my family, whenever she can't deal with not having her own way...
It must be hard to be her...because of her past selfish actions, she now has less friends...thus she is lonely...she must be frustrated, as her behaviour has caused her grandchildren to distant themselves from her...yet, she refuses to admit it...
I on the other hand, have my own feelings about her to deal with...somehow, I need to get past this, but I don't know how...I can deny that my frustrations do not exist, but I cannot turn my back nor my face, especially when I hear of her cooking up a drama, that threatens to break the harmony of my family...I can suppress my anger, but I cannot ignore it, especially when my grandma tells untruths and criticizes my mum in front of me...
For now, I'm not sure as to how I should react...talking about my frustration keeps me sane...but it doesn't do me much good...I fear that if I keep numb about this, she might mis-understand me, and think that I am sympathetic towards her...thus, encouraging her to tell me more stories, causing my ear to bleed...
I've been back home in Ipoh for a week, and has unfortunately raised my voice at my grandmother (hoarse voice and all...I was very sick)...While I'm still beating myself up with guilt, for having been disrespecful...I cannot really bring myself to say...that I would not do it again...should the situation repeat itself...
All this boiling exasperations...choked down my chest, like poison...it makes me less of a person, I think...
Grandma has been staying with my family for 6 years now...my dad made this decision, and our lives were changed forever, in a split of a second...there was a part of me, that welcomed her...as it was my prayer that she would be able to come to a place called home...instead of jumpin' around, bunking in with friends and traveling all the time...but the other part of me, feared for my family...as she is a typical example of a daughter-in-law's worst nightmare...and I crossed my fingers as to what my family might be forced to endure...
So, it has been 6 years, we've put up with her...trying to meet to her demands and comply...Buried behind her insecurities, lies a self-centered behavior from a dysfunctional family...her mother died while she was young...while I try to be understanding, and respectful, I have come to find myself filled with resentment as time goes by...
She makes frequent and inconsiderate demands on our time, questions every move we make, throws a tantrum when things do not go her way, makes up stories, etc...I try to remind myself to accept her for who she is...that instead of wishing for her to change...maybe...just maybe, we could learn to work around her...
There are many times, I feel sorry...thinking what it must be like to be her...completely insecure...yet, her very action, in her wanting to be part of a family, is driving us away...her need to control and boss everyone around...
My friends have been frank enough with me, to tell me that...they could see resentment seething through me, even at the very thought of my grandmother...and yes, I have got to admit that they are right...
I resent the amount of energy it takes, to be around her...I resent the tensed atmosphere, every time she is around...I resent that she demands every single second of my father's time, when we siblings are trying to have a cordial conversation over dinner...and I resent the hurt that she causes my family, whenever she can't deal with not having her own way...
It must be hard to be her...because of her past selfish actions, she now has less friends...thus she is lonely...she must be frustrated, as her behaviour has caused her grandchildren to distant themselves from her...yet, she refuses to admit it...
I on the other hand, have my own feelings about her to deal with...somehow, I need to get past this, but I don't know how...I can deny that my frustrations do not exist, but I cannot turn my back nor my face, especially when I hear of her cooking up a drama, that threatens to break the harmony of my family...I can suppress my anger, but I cannot ignore it, especially when my grandma tells untruths and criticizes my mum in front of me...
For now, I'm not sure as to how I should react...talking about my frustration keeps me sane...but it doesn't do me much good...I fear that if I keep numb about this, she might mis-understand me, and think that I am sympathetic towards her...thus, encouraging her to tell me more stories, causing my ear to bleed...
I've been back home in Ipoh for a week, and has unfortunately raised my voice at my grandmother (hoarse voice and all...I was very sick)...While I'm still beating myself up with guilt, for having been disrespecful...I cannot really bring myself to say...that I would not do it again...should the situation repeat itself...
All this boiling exasperations...choked down my chest, like poison...it makes me less of a person, I think...
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