#1-#16s

Considering that I've suffering from a writer's block syndrome...having sat in front of my manuscript for hours, and no "hook" melodies jumping at me...I decided to do what I SHOULD NOT be doing...considering the fact that, I have less than 16 hours to finish my current composition...

List of things to do, before I leave for Melbourne :

1. Apply for my visa and passport...yea, I've not got the time to get to it yet...I usually have my Wednesdays free...but these two months have been hell...trying to cramp in arranging assignments and projects non-stop...and perfecting it as well...
2. Get my car fixed and prepped...
3. Drive my trusty car all the way back hometown...and trust it in my brother's care...*OMG!!!*
4. Visit my friends back in Penang...
5. Pay ALL my relatives a visit...that includes my close cousins, paternal and maternal grandparents, aunt and uncles...etc...the whole happy family...
6. Hand in my resignation letter to my boss...
7. Prepare all my students for their exams...at least, finish the syllabus so that my "successee" can just do the brushing up...and not worry about anything else...(that's 21 students all together...a nightmare, I tell ya!!)
8. Brief my "successees", on my students...all their kinky acts, their hooligan moves, their monkey tricks...so they do not regret taking up the job in the first place...
9. Complete and polish up all my 3 arrangements so that I can safely add them as part of my port-folio...
10. Close the deal with my college...HOORAY!!!...I'm officially out of it!!!....in one and half months time...
11. Revamp my wardrobe...time for a change...no more dawdy, baggy, black t-shirts!!!...
12. Compile my theory and ear-training notes for Ms. Maria (my first piano teacher) and Ms. Hew (followed by my second)...
13. Pay Ms. Hew a visit!!!...(I owe her this for 5 months already)...
14. Decide which music books I should take...and which I should ship...
15. Go for a holiday...(Penang, preferably)...and just drown myself with Malaysian food...
16. Reply Professor David's email, concerning my lodgings and accommodation plans...
    

That's all I think of, for now...I'm sure there's more...but I am still at a stage of denial that there is SO MUCH to do!!!...I mean...I've been planning this for so long...and due to certain unavoidable circumstances, I had to have it postpone...now it is hard to believe that it is coming true...in fact, I am almost expecting something to happen...that will delay my plan again...*touchwood*...

Writer's Block...

I can't believe it...

Mahler, was able to compose his Symphony No. 5, which includes 5 movements altogether...resulting in 819 bars of music...

And I, am stuck at my composition...on bar 42???!!!!!.....

I have barely scratched the surface of Mahler's ingenious mind!!!....

I am currently starring at Mahler's full score of Symphony No. 5...baffled...

Strings of contrapunctal melodies, imitation of sounds of nature, introduction of dissonant themes, and other creative ideas jump out of these 819 bars...

So how in the world am I still stuck at BAR 42????!!!!!

Sorry, I just needed a place to rant...

For your eyes only...

I found something online that was really interesting...

Below, is the official trailer of Batman: The Dark Knight...

Now...check out the remake of it, but on Toy Story 2....Same exact dialogue...just different video...

Of course, I found it on YouTube...Enjoy!!!*grin*

The Difference...

You know what's the real difference between my mum and Jeremy Duncan's mum??

My mum would have said, "Oh really??...Errrrmmmmm"...
"Well, have fun staying up late and happy baking!!!...Toodles!!..."
She shoves me an apron, kitchen gloves...
and slams her door shut at my face...

One thing to do, before I leave....

What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches. ~Karl Menninger

I'll be leaving for Melbourne, Australia in the middle of December this year...and I have already made a list of the things I needed to do before I leave...among them are...

• catching up with my old mates for the last time
• settle my visa and passport
• get rid of my wardrobe, or at least...update them

And most importantly :

• MEET UP WITH MY SIXTH FORM TEACHER!!!....

Not for any good reason, I can assure you...its most probably an act, to spite and snicker at her...than a genuine interest to keep in touch....but let me explain...

Not only is she my sixth form teacher, she is unfortunately my chemistry teacher as well...as for me, while Additional Maths and Biology makes perfect sense to me, Chemistry does not...well, actually it does...its just that, I am so used to photographic memory (thank God for them)...it makes Biology and History a complete breeze for me...and well...its just difficult/almost impossible, to picture different kinds of molecules bonding together...double bond/triple bond...well, you get my drift...

Credit given to her, she does know her stuff well...she can drone on and on about concepts of quantum chemistry, statistical mechanics and kinetics without breaking a sweat, like the Energizer Bunny we all loved......(wow, amazing that I still do remember a couple of chemistry terms till now)...boring us till our ears bleed...

What is wrong with this whole thing, was how obsessive she was about this subject!!!...I still remember, how she would go about lamenting (she complains more then she teaches) about the lack of seriousness in us students, in taking this subject...I mean...how serious would you want us to be, man!!...we are already up to our necks, preparing for our major STPM exams...it doesn't hurt to have a chuckle once in a while, would it??...she really did sound as if she wanted us kill our sense of humour...the saviour of our insanity....

I also recall...how in her venting her frustrations, she would be slamming her hand, on the whiteboard...the door...her table...the wall...whatever she can find...shouting ever so dramatically...she would have made a good pastor, I assure you...then she would go back to her own past, telling us...how perfect her imperfect life has been...the kind of commando discipline she has instilled for herself...how she wakes up at 4am in the morning to jog for an hour and the half....and goes straight to school right after...(that, I am inclined to believe...as I always find her car parked on the same spot, at the same time...on the dot...and not a second earlier not later)...and how, by someone NOT owning a pencil box, builds character....

There was even an episode when she caught us laughing, after having pulled a prank at one of our class-mates...she bellowed her contra-alto voice across the room...and ranted like a beast, foaming in her mouth...then she threw herself into such a prima donna state...slamming on doors with much frequencies...then said...that we needed a good shake up...and asked us...

"WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING, IF YOU KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO DIE THE NEXT DAY??!!"

...I've got to admit, that was one of the few times, I actually paid attention to her...for she finally said something, that I felt was worth reflecting upon...then I was awoken when I heard her continue...

"If I knew I were to die the next day, I would spend the night before, writing all the chemical equations, comb-bined it into a book, so that I can bring it into the coffin with me!!"....

*???????????????*

I was so stunned, that for a moment there, I wasn't even sure if I heard her right...it was only when my friends started snorting, struggling to supress their laughter...then I confirmed that I did get her right after all...

I mean, what the h*ll???....

If someone told me that I would only have 24 hours to live, I would be drowning myself in boozes, walking down beaches...soaking in every beautiful scenery I can take...spending time with my loved ones...

But WRITING CHEMICAL EQUATIONS on my death bed????!!!!.....

Who in their right mind would have thought of that??...ah, well...obviously my sixth form teacher isn't...in my opinion, anyway...I mean...is WRITING chemical equations going to buy her more time underground?...my brain is just unable to logic-fy (I am aware there is no such word) that act...and refuse to waste any more time doing so...

But that is just to share the extend of her enthusiasm she has, of the subject that she is so proud to teach...

Well, anyway...

Since I was generally weaker in Chemistry, compared to the rest of my subjects...we are understandably not the best of friends...and since I hate pretence, I didn't even attempt to suck up to her, for extra classes...My first mid-term results for Chemistry was a plain C...and while she would have jumped off London bridge, if she ever were to have a result like mine...I was genuinely quite ecstatic...

Plus the fact that I was quite busy, with other presidential responsibilities as well, competitions and theater rehearsals...she actually thought that I was just an empty shell taking up space and wasting oxygen...and she made a point of reminding me so each and every time she sees me...which is quite a lot, considering that she was my form teacher after all...

So, after all her taunts about me failing in life...just because I have decided that I would not be want to be found muttering H20 = H + 02, with my dying breath...I have emerged to become a musician...and am loving every inch of my life right now...

Sure, my life isn't a bed of roses...but I choose to believe that Experience is the my best teacher...though it ain't the most pleasant...

And even though I barely passed my Chemistry exam in my STPM (A Levels equivalent)...I am still standing tall...and not thinking of bending anytime soon...

Actually, I just want to visit her....just to show her that I've proved her wrong...that there is more to life than just basic Chemistry...at that she really has got to let herself go a bit...

And no, I have not a wee bit intention to keep in touch...as ungrateful as I may sound...in fact, with complete honesty, she is one of the teachers would contributed nothing into my life...except for psychological damages...and detrimental demoralization...

But I guess...it was thanks to all these mental anguish...that I have been forced to whip myself into shape...or I would have already fallen apart...

When trouble comes...

The police runs first...screw the civilians...

Am I the only one who is laughing my pants off this guy??....I guess not...

My apologies for not posting something for such a long time...I've just taken on a couple of projects...and it turned out to be more than I can actually chew... I couldn't convince myself to take time off, and post my thoughts up...though I do have tonnes to share...

But my heart is just itching right now to rant...no...to laugh HILARIOUSLY...no...to protest...ah...I can't decide...take your pick...

Honestly, someone should just shove a big boot into Home Minister Syed Hamid Albar's mouth once and for all!!!!...or just shoot him dead, I don't care...

First, was the approval for arrest of Sin Chew newspaper reporter under the ISA, for reporting a discriminating comment of his fellow friend and comrade Ahmad Ismail, arrest of Member of Parliament Theresa Kok, for "protesting to early Azan prayers" and arrest of Raja Petra, for writing an article "Let's Send Altantuya's Murderes to Hell"....

Then it was followed by the announcement of banning HINDRAF (Hindu Rights Action Force) for exploiting Indians and was deemed a clear and present danger to the national security...which naturally provoked many more protest from different political parties...

Now, the "laser-guided-missle" comes in a form of announcement by our Home Minister (again) to close down a police base in Chow Kit road (the red light district and black alley of Malaysia), as the "location was considered unsafe"...

I couldn't be more entertained and amused then I already am now...

Syed Hamid's explaination and justification to the situation :
(my thoughts and reply would be in italized red)

1. "beat base was located in a dirty area where there was a possibility of being exposed to contagious diseases."
Yea, "dirty"...how is pure dirt ever contagious in the first place??...contagious diseases...such as STD and AIDS, ain't that right? I mean, those are the ONLY contagious diseases that I know, that surrounds a red light district, so far...and besides, many germ diseases are NOT contagious...some "special method" of transmission is required...if you get my drift...Afraid that your croonies can't control their balls, are you?...if that is so, I think the term you're looking for, is "infectious" and NOT "contagious"...I'm sure you're aware...you can't get infected by just hanging around people who has HIV/AID, y'know....and if the area really is dirty (I gather that the word "dirty" doesn't mean literally, but nevertheless), get the DBKL (City Hall) to clean the place, you blardy moron!!!...what do we tax-payers pay the government for??...

2. "presence of criminals also posed a threat to the safety of police officers"
Are you freakin' kiddin' me??!!!...some trash shows up, and your croonies run with their tails between their legs, whimpering...those puppies...your police officers, who were supposed to have undergone YEARS of weapon and physical training in the police academy to stand up to these baddies...and you are tellin' me that THEY feel threatened??...what the h*ll are they wearing those badges for??!!!...how did they even get them in the first place??!!

3. "police were looking for a new location to build a police beat base that would be able to give “guaranteed and continued service to the public.” "
Chow Kit road, has been long famous for crimes, prostitution and drug dealings...your croonies have a base at the heart of all these brothel and drug activities...if there is any chance to launch an operation to fight the crooks...this is it...but NOOOoooooo...instead of folding up your sleeves and flexing your muscles, you guys have to flee like a whipped dog...and hide behind mama's apron...some guardian you guys are...

Its better to keep one's mouth shut, when you have nothing good to say...then to open your mouth, and faeces and poo over-flows...

It sure doesn't look like we can trust our cockle-doodle-doo police allies to do any form of protecting anytime soon!!!...or probably, we should just show up with our kitchen knives and ladles, and protect those babies...

Either way, I'm still stand ashamed...

Early Morning confessions...

I've probably mentioned/blogged about this, more than I should...I just need to get it off my chest, for the last time, before I put this subject to rest...so for those who are tired hearing me rant/ponder on this, feel free to skip this post...

Grandma has been staying with my family for 6 years now...my dad made this decision, and our lives were changed forever, in a split of a second...there was a part of me, that welcomed her...as it was my prayer that she would be able to come to a place called home...instead of jumpin' around, bunking in with friends and traveling all the time...but the other part of me, feared for my family...as she is a typical example of a daughter-in-law's worst nightmare...and I crossed my fingers as to what my family might be forced to endure...

So, it has been 6 years, we've put up with her...trying to meet to her demands and comply...Buried behind her insecurities, lies a self-centered behavior from a dysfunctional family...her mother died while she was young...while I try to be understanding, and respectful, I have come to find myself filled with resentment as time goes by...

She makes frequent and inconsiderate demands on our time, questions every move we make, throws a tantrum when things do not go her way, makes up stories, etc...I try to remind myself to accept her for who she is...that instead of wishing for her to change...maybe...just maybe, we could learn to work around her...

There are many times, I feel sorry...thinking what it must be like to be her...completely insecure...yet, her very action, in her wanting to be part of a family, is driving us away...her need to control and boss everyone around...

My friends have been frank enough with me, to tell me that...they could see resentment seething through me, even at the very thought of my grandmother...and yes, I have got to admit that they are right...

I resent the amount of energy it takes, to be around her...I resent the tensed atmosphere, every time she is around...I resent that she demands every single second of my father's time, when we siblings are trying to have a cordial conversation over dinner...and I resent the hurt that she causes my family, whenever she can't deal with not having her own way...

It must be hard to be her...because of her past selfish actions, she now has less friends...thus she is lonely...she must be frustrated, as her behaviour has caused her grandchildren to distant themselves from her...yet, she refuses to admit it...

I on the other hand, have my own feelings about her to deal with...somehow, I need to get past this, but I don't know how...I can deny that my frustrations do not exist, but I cannot turn my back nor my face, especially when I hear of her cooking up a drama, that threatens to break the harmony of my family...I can suppress my anger, but I cannot ignore it, especially when my grandma tells untruths and criticizes my mum in front of me...

For now, I'm not sure as to how I should react...talking about my frustration keeps me sane...but it doesn't do me much good...I fear that if I keep numb about this, she might mis-understand me, and think that I am sympathetic towards her...thus, encouraging her to tell me more stories, causing my ear to bleed...

I've been back home in Ipoh for a week, and has unfortunately raised my voice at my grandmother (hoarse voice and all...I was very sick)...While I'm still beating myself up with guilt, for having been disrespecful...I cannot really bring myself to say...that I would not do it again...should the situation repeat itself...

All this boiling exasperations...choked down my chest, like poison...it makes me less of a person, I think...