Clowns Part 2 : Or maybe not...

I made it!!!...I sat through the whole film of IT...from the start till the end!!...Okay, okay...so I broke the film into a couple of sections...took a couple of breaks...shuddered just a little...what is the big deal??...Actually, it wasn't too bad when I watched it the second time...hehe...I knew when those gory parts were coming...so I just closed my eyes for those scenes, or just pretended to need to message someone on my phone...

Tim Curry's portrayal of a clown is still first class, I think...the monsters...ah, well...it was a show made in the late 1980's...one couldn't compare to the graphic effects of the current years...nor can it expect much...If I had watched this movie for the first time in my 20s, I would have rolled my eyes, skipped those boring scenes...and just move to those juicy, bloody ones...(I contradict myself, I know)...yawn...and maybe laugh at those stiff monsters...But if a child were to see it, I can understand how traumatizing it could be...In fact, I'd realized that it wasn't the film that scared me anymore...but the image of Pennywise that is screwing with my mind!!...I did have slight difficulty sleeping that night...*sheepish grin*...

Well, I don't think I am all that afraid of clowns anymore...though I can't guarantee that I won't cringe at the sight of one...my knees may buckle a bit, my heartbeat race a little...that's about it, I think...

And just as I thought I had conquered clowns at last...someone in the house changed my computer wallpaper (without me knowing...I was bathing then)...clicked on my Firefox to hide the image...so that in all my sleepiness...I closed my Firefox...and saw this...

I'll leave it to you to decide what happened after that...and the fate of that someone...the time then was 12:45am...in the still of the night...

Clowns Part 1 : I might just make it!!!...

Note : Skip to the last paragraph if you happen to be short of time...or uninterested...

The white painted "jolly" expression, marred by blood-red eyes...the fixed smiling face, that makes you just a tad more than apprehensive...those mega huge dark red boots...the crude and colourful baggy clothes with elastic suspenders...The offensively coloured hair...they were once thought as amusing characters who brings laughter to people's live...revealing to them a whole new world of magic and entertainment...More often than never, now they seem to be anything but that...well, in the movies, at least...

I've never hidden the fact that I always had a fear of clowns since childhood...its called "coulrophobia"...man, I didn't know it was so common, that they actually have a term for it!!...I just found out online a few days back...I never was scared in the rigid-with-shock-and-panic kind of way...more of a case of the heebie-jeebies...seeing a particularly malevolent sight of a clown would cause my stomach to come undone...and I will avoid anyone and everyone dressed as a clown...be it the jolly old one down the street...

People may ask...why the extreme??...Let me make it absolutely clear...that I am now all grown up...and have discarded beliefs about Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, clowns in the sewer, Mr. Sandman and all that jazz...even before I hit puberty...I am aware that there never were Santa's little helper elf that make tiny toys, and a Santa that knows if I were naughty and nice...There weren't any Tinker Bell's who was going to place a 50 cent coin under my pillow...I realized that for myself after my 2nd attempt of placing my baby tooth before going to bed...

St. Francis of Assisi once said..."No one is to be called an enemy...no one does your harm...you have no enemy except yourself."

I find that quite true...and applicable to every situation even for this...It isn't so much of a clowns' act that I fear...more of the mental image in my head that I am trying to escape from...vision of clowns that return to haunt my subconscious...that paralyzes me...of course, my imagination doesn't help...and has a tenancy to over-exaggerate...

My first encounter of this clown conundrum was thanks to Stephen King whose novel IT and the subsequent TV series about Pennywise, a sewer-dwelling, child-eating clown...It was in the early 1990s...when I have just finished the novel (I was about 9-10 years of age, I think...)...and was really excited when I saw in the newspaper that IT was to be screened on TV...the novel gave me the creeps...and being a young-blooded soul, I was eager to watch the show...and to be "pumped with the adrenaline rush"...after all, it was the first time I had permission to stay up...and, it was my first horror movie...

Nothing prepared me for the goriness of it all, though...That novel still scares the hell out of me...blardy thing...and I try to avoid it at all cost...For weeks after that, I felt the need to check under my bed before I went to sleep...look down the sink cautiously as I brush my teeth...leave the dirty dishes till the last minute...till it could wait no more...Everytime I think 'clown'...I see Tim Curry's portrayal of Pennywise...the sheer horror that inspired in me, even at my age now...my hair stands...

So after all this nonsensical chatter...I am sure you would be asking...what am I doing to overcome it??...well, first of all, I have just finished downloading the TV show It (1990)...*my sanity here is questionable...I won't deny it*...I am going to watch it once more...and see where and which scene exactly that hits my nerve...maybe if I know and determine where I first got scared out of my wits...I'll know that there isn't much to be fearful of in the first place...save me thousand of dollars in therapy, wouldn't you agree??...hell, now that I am seeing it with adult eyes, I might just laugh through it all!!...Note: MIGHT...

Krusty the Clown (from Simpsons) may be the ONLY clown that I can look at, without a cringe...at many times, it help tame the dark images that toys with me...for a short while...but still...

Anti-Protonians vs Not-so-pro Protonians...

So, my 1982 1.6 Toyota Corona have been giving me problems of late...the engine crankshaft has taken its toll, it being subjected to various forces...car bearings are bald, thanks to the lack of periodic maintenance...timing belt needed changing...well, to be honest, I have been talking about giving my buddy an overhaul...but have been postponing it due to financial constraint...and the fact that I couldn't afford to spare my car for a week long...

[Note : I have just sent my car to overhaul a few days back...so now I am currently transport-less...and having my favourite Walrus to drive me around...*grin*...]

Anyhow, my dad and I have been discussing about the idea of purchasing a new car since April '09...my maroon red buddy wasn't exactly fuel economical in anyway...plus, it was due time that I passed this 3-generation buddy on to my brother for his usage...and I, having a salary should start investing on assets such as these...(A house is next on the list, but that will have to wait for now...Banks won't approve my loan based on my current salary, that's for sure)...

Being a new graduate with a meagre salary, I didn't give much thought on Toyota and Honda cars, as they were very much out of my price range, and I would have to slog hard, just to keep up with interest alone...(Bank interest rate is 3.65% flat for local cars...I am not so sure about foreign cars now...)...

So I had no choice but to toy with local made cars such as Proton and Perodua, which was more affordable...there wasn't much...a 1000cc Kenari/Viva, 1.3cc Myvi/Saga and a 1.6cc Persona...all ranging from RM41k-55k...

After all these years of being away from my family, and being financially independant...one would have taught that I would be strong enough to sort out and make big decisions...this car hunting season showed the other part of me...

I did have my eye on a 1.3 Proton Saga which was the cheapest of the car listed...No, I am not at all a Proton fan...nor am I for 'Support Local Made Goods' campaign...Proton as a company suffered badly throughout all these years, thanks to bad management and corruption...but, I...being a first time purchasee, wasn't looking for anything show-off-ish, nor sporty...YET...just something reasonably priced...and most importantly, with boot space...

My parents weren't too keen on the idea of me purchasing a Proton car...they think that the quality may not suffice, and I will have loads of problem with customer services...and car maintenance in near future...yeah, we blardy anti-Protonians...but if I were to scrap out the idea of buying Proton cars, I am stuck with Perodua Viva or Myvi...which both comes WITHOUT much boot space...

Why am I so particular about boot space, you may ask...just in case you didn't know...my Toyota Corona 1.6 is a large and conservative rectangular box...a comfortable saloon car of the 1980s...it holds a little more than 504litres in boot space alone...and that is where I have been keeping boxes of music books, my violin...and spare clothes to change...yea, there was a time when I literally lived in that car...

Plus the fact that I am used to driving a big car with large space...hence, Perodua Viva (the smallest car of the lot) was definitely out of the picture...I had considered Perodua MyVi (should I have chosen it, it would have been deep blue in colour)...but it was such a common car...common not in terms of the design...but the fact that almost EVERYONE owns a MyVi...I look outside my window...and chances are...I will see a MyVi pass by me, every 5 seconds...and that has been giving me nightmares of late...

So, I went to check out the Proton Saga 1.3 that has been launched a few years back...and I could not have been more disappointed...the design of the interior of the car, looked so cheap...and plastic...that I discarded this choice completely...I even refused to give it a test-drive...the allocated space was fine...bearable in the least...but all those thinsy whimpsy buttons looked like they came from a toy keyboard or something!!...so that was that...Proton Saga...scrapped off my list...

Proton Persona was next...while it wasn't the greatest design available...but it had sufficient boot space, and I didn't mind taking it out for a test drive...it was slightly cheaper than the Perodua MyVi...and since I was not crazy of those two options...I thought I'd might as well look for something that I could get my money's worth...besides, Persona had a 1.6cc engine, whereas MyVi had a 1.3cc...I gave it a test drive...performance was rather sluggish, for a 1.6cc engine with an auto gear box...especially when I was testing the highest class of the Personas...maybe the manual transmission would give a better performance...Well, that...I will never know...as Protons do not allow test driving for manual cars...

So, Proton Persona was my best bet...now, came the tough task...convincing my anti-Protonian parents to allow me to purchase a Proton...and to get my dad to become my guarantor...that latter task was pretty simple...it was the first one, that is gigantic...

Wasn't looking forward to that confrontation, though...I don't like unpleasant situations especially within my family...and while I know that my parents are more than willing to listen to my two cents worth...the idea of not agreeing with them give me knots in my stomach...it depresses me...have you ever felt that before??...I feel like a kid once more...wanting to gain my parents' approval...

Anyway, to date...the situation has been solved...but not the way I thought it would be...*grin*...

But that will have to wait...need to catch up on my ZZZZzzzz first...Part II coming up!!...

Twenty Fives...

I am not able to think in paragraphs at the moment...Engine stalled...and my brain modem is hanged...trying to reboot...meanwhile, I'll just write something in strings of sentences...whatever random thoughts that goes through my head...for this coming 25 seconds...starting from...now...

1. I love the screaming colours of dawn and mysterious shades of dusk...But these days/months/years I have been having trouble getting out of bed which results me in being perpetually late...except those excruciating humid days when you've just sweat a bucketful...and its time to change the bed sheet...*Sigh*....

2. I actually feel a lot sometimes/can be quite emotional but I often try not to show it...I tell people this being called being 'professional'...my arse...lying through my teeth...

3. Haven't watched TV for years!!..Partly because my mum used to have this *thing* about watching TV and it being Full Of Trashy Shows...the other part was...ahem...technology...I have changed my focus to computer, Internet...and all the illegal downloads, which gives me much flexibility...I do not have to schedule my time around the tube anymore...

4. My home back in Ipoh...is antiquated...We still have dial-up (only recently, my dad changed it to Broadband...AFTER the herd has left the building...my bros and I), and the cathode ray tube TV that is ? years old. (Refer to point #3.)

5. Am not a fan of shopping/too much girly stuff (books would be an exception), but I think I should learn a bit cos its a thing that seems to unite most girls, like how football unites guys around the world...And also cos...its something one should learn...I am a late bloomer...so tease me about it...then watch how I would enjoy torturing you...

6. (related to #5.) Zero fashion sense...sometimes wish that I could save less on books to buy some decent clothing...that the other way around...nobody seems to be impress with my vast collection of books...though guys would gladly walk around with their tongues hanging out, while checking out a girl with a push up bra and 5 inch stiletto...

7. (also related to #5.) I do like baking and cooking though, but that seems to be becoming not a particularly girly thing in these times...though I must emphasize that I prefer to bake and cook in the comfort of my own home...or with a close friend...I am the boss of my own kitchen...so comments DURING the cooking process is not recommended...its annoying...ever heard of the saying..."Too many cooks spoil the broth"?

9. I like heartwarming movies for a change...Sometimes I feel like there's too much craziness, violence, messed-up-ness and destruction in life already, no need to see some more on the screen...But ironically at other times ,I just don't care...I am thinking that I might be emotionally castrated in some way...

10. I've a kind of wanderlust...Not the travel in comfort sort...If I were a guy in older times, I'd likely have joined a ship's crew and go gallavanting off to foreign lands looking for a near death adventure...Or, a gypsy circus. The trapeze artists are cool!..Heights don't give me thrills...but the adrenaline that kicks in after that does...ah, well...I know what you're thinking...and I completely agree...all talk and no action...which is true...I am sitting in front of a computer...and I can say as and what I want in my blog...put me in a real scene of mutiny and fights...I'll probably grow chicken feet...

11. I have bilateral simian creases on my palm...I wonder what causes these single palmar creases...

13. I love reading...well, I also like the idea of people THINKING that I love reading...*grin*...

14. I kind of like acting (Hallplay!), dancing and singing but I'm not good at any...not at all...I can't do impromptu, I dance like a fridge, and have a voice of a slaughtered cow...

15. It'd be fun to learn tap dancing one day...

16. I am an alto!!...Probably an contralto, in fact...I can reach the C below middle C... which is kind of low for a girl?...I used to think that altos were inferior cz someone said they don't get the nice melody lines that stand out (the horribly misguided youth i was), but I've since left that misconception behind...*grin*

17. I like the outdoors, sailing, kayaking, camping, trekking, nature, and animals, especially birds...but I have done none of the above...trekking, yes...camping...well, does staying in a dorm near a jungle count?...

18. I have been cycling ever since I waned out of my pacifier and pampers...then as I grew up, I started cycling to places, since my parents was never free to drive me around for my activities...though I must say I have yet to go any place outside a 20km radius with my bicycle...I will put that in my to-do list...sometime soon...

20. I used to climb roofs, and trees at home/in school...that totally contradicts the fact that I have fear of heights, doesn't it?...I didn't have a choice...I was a tomboy then...and with all the rough games I was playing with the boys...and my shoes that were too big for my feet (my mum kept buying me shoes a size bigger, cz she was afraid I would outgrow them soon...I am still a size 3 now...)...somehow during the game, in the midst of kicking and all...my shoes would take a trip of their own sailing through trees and leaves...to land on the school roof...It was either death through heights...or facing the wrath Queen Mama of the House...I chose heights...I managed to retrieve it at times...other times, not...My mum had to buy me 4 pairs of school shoes that year...after having found my shoes mysteriously disappearing all the time...

21. As a result of having communicating more with kids than adults, I have lost the ability to communicate comfortably with the senior citizens...I find myself struggling to correct my grammar...and change my voice to a much gentler tone...I am like a kid that would not grow up...

22. I think it'd be cool to fly a plane, especially those fighter/acrobatic planes...Rarr...Should have tried applying to be a pilot....but I would not have made it anyway...thanks to my parents' genes that decides I should look behind a lense all the time...

23. (related to #21) Having said that, I'd like to learn to like kids...it does not come very naturally for me...I care for them because its my responsibility...but annoying, spoilt brats are really difficult to embrace...still workin' on it...

24. If I could live the last 7 years of my life again, I would do things VERY differently....But as Prof S says, things always look clear through a retrospectoscope, but when you're in the process its a different matter...And I is thankful for the friends who have walked with me during this very, very long winter...

25. And lastly, yes...before you attempt to correct me, allow me to clarify that I am very well aware that I missed out a few numbers while I was listing these "Twenty Fives"...and no, it was not a fleeting accident...in fact, it was purposefully done with a good purpose...I've said it before...but I'll just say it again...

"Engine stalled...and my brain modem is hanged...trying to reboot..."

Note : I have not been blogging for a month now, after having taken 'sabbatical leave'...no excuses for my absence...July is a crazy month...and I needed a break before to clear my brain memory space...and reformat...as you can see, this leave has made me a slight retard, when it comes to sharing and deciding how to string my sentences...a couple more post, and hopefully I'll be back in shape...*fingers crossed*...

Second-handism...

SECOND HAND
adj. ~ used goods that are being purchased by or otherwise transferred to a second or later end user.

I've always been one of gazillion people on earth, to have had hand-me-downs all my life...from childhood stuffed toys, clothes, shoes, books, textbooks, and the list never stops...Of course, my most recent hand-me-downs are dear old trusty 1982 Toyata Corona 1.6 (3 generations already!!), and a Compact lap-top (which I have also passed down to my brother)...

Well, I can't complaint much, can I?...I would have to remember the fact that I am in the very least, more lucky than my youngest brother, who wore clothes that were passed on from my first brother, who got them from my mum's friend who didn't want them anymore!!...

Yeah, those times were really hard...I remember having outgrown Nancy Drews, Christopher Pikes and Agatha Christies by the tender age of 11...shifting my attention to more meaty ones such as Stephen Kings, and Jeffery Archer...but since nobody had books of that genre, I would sit my butt down for hours on end in the Popular bookstore till late in the evening when the last town bus arrives...

I am all grown up now...having the power to purchase, since I started working full time last year...I used to wonder at times, if I had a sun-stroke or something...for I would buy books that I love, till my pockets run dry...and yet not feel a pinch...in fact, I wanted to buy more!!...

*Note : Sadly, it only applies for books only...I wish I could have the same enthusiasm for clothing, fashion, make-up accessories and all those girly stuffs...yet, maybe not...*

You know that you've officially reached adulthood...when you are able to buy things at your own will, till your piggy suffers a gastric...but yet, that little piggy will never fill up....till your next salary, that is...no wonder so many young adults fall into the trap of over-charging their credit cards...believe it or not, I very NEARLY join those statistics as well!!!...well, luckily for me, it never was my habit to pull out my sub credit card so easily...I try to walk around the mall aimlessly, trying to shake off my itch...and when all fails, I empty my purse...

Recently, I had a chat with my dad, toying with the idea of purchasing a compact car...I have accepted more private students now, which means more travelling...

more travelling = more petrol consumption + car maintenance...

...one equation that my Toyata Corona isn't able to support nor help out...with a heavy heart, I have decided that I should probably start thinking of upgrading to a car with smaller engine...and does not have a big an appetite like my Big Boy in red...

My dad suggested that I could consider buying over my mother's metalic dark orange Perodua MyVi...to my surprise, my heart (and head) immediately thought...NO SALE...I pondered on my reaction a few days after that...I mean, I've driven my mom's car before...besides a careless bump on the driver's front side (courtesy of my mum's parking), the car was in perfectly good shape and condition...well, metalic dark orange would not be my best cup of tea, but it wasn't all that bad...

Well, I always liked the design of Honda's, which are more chic and stylish...Toyota and Perodua brands are quite dependable in terms of customer services and spare parts...though I must say that I am not all that excited about their designs...I thought it lacked art, and passion...*heys, I am a musician after all*...

But since most Honda and Toyotas are out of my financial reach, my mum's Perodua MyVi would be the most logical answer to my pocket and budget...but why am I so resistant about it??...

It took me a couple of days to figure that out...It suddenly hit me; as I was surfing through the Net for car brands, researching their specifications and purchase prices...while in my mind, I slowly formed an idea of which car I wanted to purchase that was also within my monthly budget...

I realized that in this 20 odd years of receiving hand-me-downs...I never really had a say to weather I loved the clothing that was passed on to me, or how I had wanted to look...I just took those second hand things (while mum reminds me to be grateful), and never complained...sometimes I found the courage to rebel and discard...things that were almost horrifyingly ugly...I couldn't even bring myself to wear it at home...

Now, finally with some money in my pocket, I feel a certain satisfaction that I am paying for something that I have decided...and something that I really like...

Don't get me wrong though...if someone were to have something that I would not mind having, or better yet, that I love...I would not mind paying big bucks to own it...books, for example...used books does give it...some attitude...a character...a soul...*I don't mind second hand books so much, since I found RM10 in one of the books I picked up from the store last time...heehee*...

Well, after a few days of thought...I decided that my mom's orange MyVi isn't a bad choice for purchase afterall...but I do wish at times, that she had choosen the colour black...or deep red for that matter...not silver metalic, though...its almost like asking a clown to dress in a tuxedo...

[ Latest news as of 13/5/09 : My mum decided to keep the Perodua MyVi afterall...so I'll be looking into a new one myself...with the colour of my choice...*winks*]

Confidence dearest

Dear self esteem,

You suck, you know that??...long have I entertained your whiny little voice (20 odd years!!!)...your words tells me that you would rather not be involved in whatever that I have hoped to do...your actions show that you would prefer to stand back, and watch the world go by...but you're such a domineering little dweeb, aren't you??...

Quit hogging and leeching on me, will ya...if you ain't gonna help me, then stand aside...thanks to you, I have seen opportunities dropped by to say hi...only to leave, when I am afraid to approach them...times when I'd rather sleep, to escape those depressing thoughts, just so I can get a moment's peace...

Stop moping around and get back on your feet...throwing yourself a self-pity party never works...you should have known that by now...I make and live my own life...and I am responsible for what I think or do...and you're going to work this out with me...no more demeaning thoughts...they stay outside...no more sorry and regretful statements of how I were never given a chance in the past...shut up...cause the present and the future is all that matters...the present and the future, the story isn't written yet...every minute of one's future, is an opportunity in itself...so I am given a chance afterall...so you can stop grumbling...

Back to work, you twerp...smile once in a while, will ya...if you don't feel like it, at least fake it...it will help me more than you'll ever know...

By the way...you OWE me...its high time, don't you think??...

Lessajinomoto

Missing my special someone...

Today, he will be sitting for his music audition in Bangkok...he has been gone for 3 days now...that isn't much...if you would compared the years we've been together...but I'd never thought I'd miss him this much...looking forward to his return...*grin*...

Ctrl-Alt-Delete

If I were to compare the 2008-Lessajinomoto and the current standing one, I would definitely say that I am now much more committed to my work, more passionate about the things that I do, and more aggressive in achieving goals...hence, I now see much improvement and I am able to stay focused much longer...

~ am learning to give myself a pat on the shoulder, and cut myself some slack...

But somehow, I have missed looking into finer details, such as mastering some specific bowing techniques on my violin, brass attacks on my compositions, using altered scales for my solo improvisation...

And what's more, I have missed the main practice...to list out more achievable goals, and taking them out one at a time...instead of aiming for the biggest piece of cake...and getting somewhat discouraged and disillusioned at times...

I need to jump-start my engine...re-look some goals and work my way around it...

I need a detox...

Confessions/Secrets...it goes either way...

When I was young, I used to keep a small little diary...where I would share my deepest secrets and wildest imaginations...of course, at that time, it used to be about how I would want my future house to look like...my illogical infatuation with some guy down the street...who I would want to be when I grow up, etc...to keep little busy-bodies away (friends with a keen eye for secrets), I used to encode it...so no one will ever find out, nor will they ever know...lest they will laugh at me, and shatter me of my childhood fantasies...of course, I encoded it so well, that my older self have never been able to decode it, ever...hence, my dreams died along with the young Lessajinomoto...now that I have an online blog, I am tempted to share my secrets here as well...have been struggling within myself...debating if I should or not...just in case my mum goes berserk upon reading my blog...or go to the other extreme, and laugh at my sport...but heck...this is MY blog...I should at least be able to practice my freedom of speech right here...

So mum, if you're ever reading this...I guess that you will learn that this is one part of your daughter you have never known...bellow your anger/frustration if you want...laugh and even cry if situation calls for it...Just as long as you promise you would not squeal on me and tell dad...

Here goes...

1. Have been considering gettIng myself a pet snAke...if you were to read My profile, this should not be of aNy surprise tO you...Most of the people I knoW hates snake...

If you ask me, this is a typicaL situation of 'shooting thE messenger'...The unforgivAble act of tempting Eve in the GaRden of EdeN has stereotyped the mInds of people, iNto believinG that anything that slitHers and crawl on the grOund, is completely undeserving of tender loving care...but here is the breaking neWs...

There are many people like me, who love snakes for the very same reason people haTe them...these creepy crawlies, as I called them when I was a kid, was amazingly designed...tO be able to adapt to all kinds of enviRonment...the elegancE in their 'footsteps', side-winding...is just incredible to look At...Some people tries to kill them, but enDs up getting bitten insteAd...All the more reasoN to give them the respect that they Deserve, doesn't it?

2. Tattoos are another thing that intrigue me a lot...I have always wanted to get my oWn tattoo the minute I received my 'golden key' (Its a Chinese tRadition...we receIve a 'key' once we reach the age of 21...symbolizes freedom to acT on one's freE will)...

But the act of plungIng a needle into my ever-so-delicate skiN, would be anything but a divine experience...yea, call me a chicken, but I aM afraid of the long term effect, if I were to get a tAttoo...will it age me terribly?...also, I don't thiNk I am comfortable with the iDea that it would be something permAnent, that I would carRy for the rest of my life...I would lIke to get a bird or a hamster tattoo...but I am sure my taste would chaNge along with fashion (yea, laugh now...see if I care)...I may not like birds so much...probably a snake then,why not??!!...and I don't think that my bird/hamster tattoo would like to co-exist with a snake tattoo, you get my drift??...


*whispers*...snakes have birds/hamsters for their early breakfast...

Ah, will you look at the time?...I'll just have to leave this here...and continue with my spelling later...

One Hundred Things...

1. I love history and mythical legends...
2. I prefer not to make empty talks, trivial conversation...it makes me feel like a fraud...a hypocrite...pretending that I am concerned, when I barely know the person...
3. I love crowds in a concert, but hate crowds in the night-market...an irony, I know...
4. I'm an acrophobic - an irrational fear of heights...I can't look down from a tall building, or enter a lift (that provides a marvelous view of the city) without feeling nervous...
5. Yet I don't feel any motion sickness boarding a plane...
   
6. I have always wanted to go to the Genting Theme Park when I was a child...
7. My wish to play in the theme park came through when my dad had to attend a meeting in Genting...
8. My dad paid for the tickets for me, mum and my two siblings...it was bombshell for my dad at that time...but we didn't participate much...(long queues, didn't want to go alone, mum didn't want to come with me, siblings need taken care of, and many other factors)...dad was upset...
9. I always felt guilty about that...
10. When my college had permission/license to upgrade themselves from a University College to a University (these British systems), they changed their name from UCSI (University College of Sedaya International) to UCSIU (Unwavering Commitment to Serve Intentionally University)...
11. My intestines and colons auto-knot themselves every time I am reminded of that...
12. My degree certificate will be carrying the name :...I hereby certify Lessajinomoto has completed, blah, blah, blah..."...and signed " Unwavering Commitment to Serve Intentionally University (UCSIU)"...
13. If that does happen, I will hang myself....with shame...man, what a mouthful of name...
    
14. Raw eggs gross me out...
15. So does a nest full of cockroaches...
16. I can play the piano and violin...
17. But I've still a long way to learn...painful finger exercises to endure...
18. My Cantonese is "half a cup full"
19. So is my Hokkien (a Chinese dialect), which is supposedly my mother-tongue...
    
20. My English can be considered reasonably okay...both Westerners and Chinese alike understand me well...
21. My Mandarin is painfully "whole cup empty" if there is such a word...I can barely string a sentences, without my mum snorting water through her nose...laughing...HARD...
22. I think there should be a special place in hell for animal abusers, and child rapist...
23. I love having chunky peanut butter as a whole...bread-free...just me dipping the spoon into that piece of beauty, and licking it off like ice-cream...
24. I would never call an unmade bed, or a slight creative chaos in my room...a state of national emergency...
25. I can drink...wine especially...but never really had the guts to go full blown pissed drunk...even back at home...
26. I would want to rule the world for a while...
27. If I were a world ruler, I would take a shot-gun, blow off the heads of every single Samy Vellu(s) and Syed Hamid(s) in this world...and happily toss their bodies overboard...the world would be a happier place without them...
28. I don't get angry easily...I only save it for times when I have reached the end of my patience...and God knows there is no turning back...
    
29. But when I do...be somewhere else...
30. I can still be short tempered at times...but I am never bad tempered...
31. I pity people who has life too easy...I wish for hardship on people, not to make their life a living hell...but so that their life would hold more meaning...and there is self-respect found in the process...
32. I don't agonize over mis-understandings in friendships...
33. I believe mis-understandings just make us understand each other more...
34. I am not much of a looker...I gain and lose weight easily...
35. I am OK with that...
36. I never smoked a ciggie nor pot...
37. I don't intend to do so...ever...
38. I always believed that scoring a B- or C for my final term subjects does not make me a sore loser...Bad attitude when scoring an A does...
    
39. But I have to keep telling myself that...
40. I love Bargain shops...but I'd hate to bargain a price with dealers...
41. I drive a Toyota Corona 1.6...he is older than me by two years...
42. I find the guitar and violin femininely sexy...
43. As for the piano, I find him upright and macho with firm abs to show...and square...
44. I don't know much computers, but I am no bimbo...
45. I am no rocker either, but I don't mind listening to Metallica the whole night through...
46. My childhood all-time favourite cartoon...was Care Bears
47. My teenage all-time hated tv show...was Telly Tubbies...and Winter Sonata...
    
48. My now all-time favourite cartoon...is The Simpsons!!!...
49. Being a girl, I don't see whats the big deal with Formula One racing and England Premier League...
50. But I will happily watch Top Gear (car show) and join the crazy nuters to watch the World Cup Final. live...no matter how late they may be...I never claim to understand what the tv announcer talks about...
51. I never voted in my country before...
52. I am not proud of that...
53. I didn't vote for Abdullah or Najib...
54. I am proud of that...
55. Most embarassing movies of all time...Antoo Fighters (2008), if translated, is just merely a lame version of Malay ghost fighters...and Cicakman (2006), also known as Lizard Man...trust the local production house to come out with such an UN-Marvel like name...lizard, of all things...a house-hold pest...
    
56. Talking about house-hold, mum thought of ways to get me to love doing house hold chores...even to the point of suggesting to her friend to pay me some wages to clean her house...
57. That failed MISERABLY...
58. I love to cook...my mum doesn't believe that and I don't blame her...I always ran/found excuses when she asked me to help her around the kitchen...what she doesn't know is I prefer to cook...explore, I would call it...alone...save me the nagging...
59. I hate formalities/protocals of any kind...be it for culture, family, or work...
60. I wear a 3 and 1/2 size shoe...
61. To date, I hold 3 visible scars and 5 not so visible scars...all thanks to a clumsy childhood...
62. Unlike normal gals, I only own 3 pair of shoes so far; 2 silhouettes and a sports shoe...excluding sandals, of course...
63. I am proud owner of 4 handphones...but only 2 works...others just help me take up space...
    
64. I love rum and whiskey...
65. I thought Johnny Walker was a macho man, until a friend of mine burst my fantasy bubble 2 years ago...
66. When friends mention XO, I always mistaken it as "ass-hole"...and they laugh at me...
67. I thought Maybelline was a friend of my friends...until they gave me THAT look...it was a make-up brand...
68. My pet peeves are endless...I shall not waste time listing them here...just check out my post...
69. I dance with 2 left feet...fridge style...completely stiff...
70. I've never been to a prom or any official school functions before...
71. But to be honest, I don't feel I've missed out on any of those things...
72. My idea of a good time, is a few of my loved ones/friends in a beach, each holding a cup of pina coloda and just talking the night away...
73. I love watching Johnny Depp and Edward Norton movies...but I don't think they are that attractive...
74. I just wish they would explore more personalities instead of different characters but of same personalities : Depp, funny and quirky; Edward Norton, intelligent with duo personalities...
75. I don't call myself a sexist...but I absolutely detest guys who thinks gals should be seen and not heard...therefore need not be knowledgeable...a gal who loves reading, doesn't make her a threat to your already dim-wit mind, you morons...
76. Did I say 'detest??...I meant to say 'hate'...
77. As a new-born baby, my dad welcomed me home with the biggest car one could possibly find...a lorry...
78. Dad placed me on the passenger seat, and he had to hold me, just in case I fell over...
79. Record time for longest meal; 3 and 1/2 hours when I was about 4 years old...I fell asleep on the sofa, with half-chewed food still in my mouth...
80. I still take my own sweet time to eat; so my friends complain...old habits die hard...
81. My childhood friend was a gal, who was with me everywhere I went...she disappeared when I found my real childhood friend at age 10...she still drops by occasionally...especially when I feel low or down...introducing...Marcy, a figment of my imagination...
82. I keep an account book that records every single penny I receive/spent every single day...even till now...
83. Many people finds that weird...
84. I find it weird too...it doesn't go along with my compulsive personality...but money runs out of my pocket faster than I can remember...so it helps to keep a record...
85. Believe it or not, I was once an extrovert...
86. Now, I am completely a hermit crab...almost reclusive, except during book sales and get-togethers...
    
87. I've learn the hard way, that there are times you've got to be cruel, to be kind...
88. I can be too kind at times, I don't know it, until it kills me...
    
89. I am physically inproportionate...wide shoulders, undefined waist...not-so-slim legs...but small hands and feet...
90. I THINK I am okay with that...
91. I never thought it would be that difficult to think out 100 things to share about myself...
92. I am thinking that now...
93. I can't believe I am saying this...but I miss high school...and I wanna go back...
94. Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton scares me...
95. I am sure you'll agree with me on that one...
96. I think that finding a good politician, is almost as impossible as finding an honest thief...
97. Talking about that, I never hid my dis-taste for politicians like Samy Vellu, and Syed Hamid...check #27...I am honest, as far as that is concern...
98. I am starting to regret writing this post...it is sucking my brain cells dry...
99. Have I shared that when my brain doesn't work, my tummy does??...Lessajinomoto hungry now...*sniff*...
100. I never found Facebook to be fascinating!!!

There!!!...I am done!!!...I thought I will never finish...*grin*...now...mind sharing one of your own??...

More Information...

My friend tagged me...but instead of writing in the usual questionnaire style, I decided to put it in paragraphs instead...so here goes nothing...

The person I miss most, is buried in Tasmania somewhere getting his music degree...At the moment, I can hear my watch ticking...the fan blasting away at level 5...the creaking of the chair that I'm sitting in...Cindy Goh (not related) was my secondary school classmate...we may share the same surname, but we are definitely of different character...she is more sociable, whereas I am more of a recluse/hermit (take your pick, I couldn't care less)...

I'm facing the usual problems that a working cum studying gal would go through...but for now, I'm getting really irritated at the fact that I have to study the Finale music notation software, when I'm already so used to using the Sibelius music notation one...all thanks to my lecturer who has confessed that he can only function in Finale...

Hmmmm...I wouldn't call 'a long crush' as a waste of time...more often than not, it is me who finds it difficult to move on...or maybe, I'm just not been crushed enough...I'd like to believe that I have good patience when it comes to relationships...that kills me sometimes...and of course, now that I look back, I can see how silly I was...and how I could have handled it better...but I don't regret it...all my crushes (yes, there was more than one...so what..heesh) make me appreciate my guy more and more...and the people who have stood by my side all this while to keep me grounded...

I am going to refrain from commenting on drugs I may or may not have taken...my mum reads my blog...and the last thing I want, is for her to box the daylights out of me...so if you are still curious and wanna know, give me a beep...or even an email...I might reply...MIGHT...

I have got best friends...confidantes, and play-mates, a shoulder to cry on...a listener...the whole package...one is in Penang...and the other, is more than 5,000 km away!!!

I would probably forgive the person who hurt me most...but I'll also probably have to tell him/her..."Things will never be quite the same again...it just doesn't work that way anymore"...accept the apology, but move on...

Well, the guys whom I've had crushes on during secondary school...we don't really keep in contact very much...so no, I don't talk to them much...but that can't be helped...we've got our own lives to lead anyway...but the crushes that I've had in this recent years, had a knack of disappointing me in the end...one even called me a "holy Bitch"...I've decided its a waste of my precious time waiting for losers like that...their lost, my gain...

Hmmm...I guess I have broken hearts before...hearts of really nice guys, whom I hold no special feelings for...but as far as relationships are concern, I am usually the dump-ee, not the dump-er...So its usually my heart that ends up broken...not theirs...

Of course I do care what people thinks of me...certain people...people whom I care and love...I have an unconsious filtering system...from my family to strangers walking down the street...the less closer I am to them, the less I care about what they think about me...Doesn't anyone feels the same?

Hmmmm...well, I can't remember the time my parents last yelled at me...I haven't been back hometown long enough to drive them up the wall...maybe if I did, they'd probably be yelling at me all the time...I don't know...I am proud to say though, that my parents are now able to see me as the young learning adult that I truly am, and we are able to sit down and sort out much of our differences...and still survive it with a smile...I can only remember my mum yelling at me to join them for dinner...lunch...I forgot...but I really wouldn't call it yelling...more of, shouting up the stair-well from ground to first floor, penetrating through closed doors, where I am happily glued to my mp3 player and the volume cranked way high...

I'd be a liar in an angel's suit, if I were to insist I do not hold grudges against anyone...when something bad happens to me, I'd like to blame the whole world except myself...ah, well...doesn't everybody?...but I try not to dwell on it...sometimes, it isn't because I choose to hold on to grudges, but it was because the hurt was so deep...a certain damage is done...and it is difficult to put on a fake smile, and hug that someone with all sincerity...

I'm suppose to practice my piano and violin etudes daily...but as life would have it, I've only practiced my piano this morning...and have yet to touch my violin...a little leisure wouldn't hurt...or would it?...*grin*...

I don't think I've ever come to the extend of hating someone...Dislike or feel uncomfortable with is more like it...the sissy-dumb-blonde image that some girls tend to hold...or a guy with balls for his brains, working out in his gym, shouting cuss words aloud just to get all pump out...they annoy me...

The twilight zone...

It is said that for one to lose weight, one must not lose out on her/his sleep....I've also read somewhere that for optimal growth, we would also require adequate sleep...or face the dangers of stunted heights and slow brain activity...

If that is the case, and considering the amount of sleep that I've had last week alone...I should be at least 2m tall, emaciated and have an IQ higher than Einstein by now...

But I'm not...darn...

I remember when I was back in secondary school...the teenage days...where my mum would never allow me to go for afternoon siestas...
[Disclaimer : I'm not trying to make my mum look like the 'evil step-mother of some kind'...its just differences in opinion]

My parents will understandably think that siestas of more than one hour would keep me awake as an owl late at night...

Their GOLDEN RULE : SLEEP EARLY (though I've YET seen my dad go by that rule even till now...apparently these rules doesn't apply to grown-ups with children...)

Which is why they have assorted many ways to wake me up from my afternoon siestas...throwing a wet sponge at me, shouting their throats sore...you name it...

But let me explain my side of the story...

It is difficult and annoying habit since I was young...to read before I sleep...it is DIFFICULT and almost impossible, for me to just switch off the lights, "think of a blank piece of paper" or count sheep and drift off to Dreamland...It just keeps me awake for longer hours then I can imagine...and by the time I really get to sleep, it is already time to wake up...

Which explains the habit of me sleeping with the lights on...reading will slowly lull me to sleep (estimation of half an hour at least)..my comforter wrapped around my legs...but any LOUD sound awakes me...let alone me having to GET UP, walk to the power socket, switch off the lights, and back to my bed again...by then, I'm mentally as bright as a xenon light...Will have to go through the whole reading process again...

And no, coffee and tea has nothing to do with it...I'm absolutely immune to them...

Same goes for my afternoon siesta...I read before I fall asleep, which will take me close to 45 minutes...my mind is still active...so reading any psychological thriller will just get me all excited and pumped up...I dislike Sweet Valley High, so that is out of the picture too...I would usually opt out for worn out books that I've read so many times, I can memorize them in my sleep...last time, it used to be Christopher Pike...now, I'm going for Jeffrey Archer...*grin*...

I would drift off close to one hour from when I started reading...then you can hear my mum knocking the door down...I JUST MANAGED to put myself to sleep...and now, there is a lady outside shouting...can you blame me for ignoring her??...Alarm clocks, you can shove it on the floor...slam the stupid button, and it shuts up immediately...only to go off again 9 minutes later...but your mum, you can't just shout at her and ask her to get lost...I wouldn't have managed to live with that thought for the rest of my life...

I just wished that she would go easier on me during my siesta times...of course, now I have the complete say...yet it doesn't change the fact there is a possibility that deprivation of sleep during my teenage days might just have something to do with my lack of height...if she would have let me sleep on, my body may have a better chance of growing...and I might have been a sexy tall, willowy lady with thick black hair...

Hmmm...I probably should rephrase that last statement...I just found out, during my last trip back home...that my mum reads my blog...she may accuse me of over-exaggerating...

My colour...

I've always liked the blue colour...ever since I could remember...the different shades of blue of the sea, of a clear sky, dabbed with 'cotton wools' of various sizes...lilacs, robin's egg...etc...

If you ask me, I'd say that blue represents a calming effect....turquoise blue works best with me...although other shades would work just fine, be it light or dark...when I was a kid, I always use to wonder, how come artists and animations will choose a dark blue shade to cover the night skies...instead of what it really is...pitch black...I have stop wondering now...because I've now come to realize and feel the 'cool' night breeze in their work...which I don't think I could have felt, if they were to paint the skies black instead...

Raindrops tapping on the window-pane...Lightning zips past by intrusively, lighting up the whole gloomy sky...followed by a baritone call of the thunder...its scary...but you can feel its power...its telling me not to mess with him...EVER...

I sit here in quiet reflection...while the skies make way for the dark clouds, and thunderous rain gets on with doing what they do best...I've been working for such long hours...I feel the need to sit back, and mentally do some serious filing...I'm currently running on auto-mode for a while now...its time I jump-start my brain, give my memory a good shaking up...clear my mind of the clustered ideas...and shelf them to the "Keep In Views" or just toss it overboard...

I suddenly realized...that I no longer wonder about things as I used to, as a child...I tend to fret and worry more...it now takes more than an appearance of a rainbow to get me fascinated and curious...I am no longer in awe, knowing the fact that the gravity of the Earth is very much influenced by the Sun...here, I'm much more consumed by the mess I will need to go through, after every thunderous situations/downpours of my life...

Signs of aging, I guess...

I remember being afraid of dark gray skies, lightning and thunder...I used to think that those three Musketeers, are making a pact...out to get me...when I was a kid, my mum places me in the hands of my maternal grandma to be baby-sat...(not that it was much used anyway...my maternal grandma forgot about me a couple of times...and left the house to play mahjong)...afternoon would set in, followed by those three devils...scaring the daylights out of me...it doesn't help too...that I was not tall enough to switch on the lights to brighten the room...there is a portrait of a tiger in the living room, whose eyes seem to glint and glow, each and every time the lightning strikes...took me every ounce of strength I could muster, to suppress my fears...only to burst out in hurt of abandonment...and fear of being alone hours later...when my mum comes for me...

It is said that the colour blue..."satisfies the need for assurance in a complex world, while adding a hint of mystery and excitement"...

Yea, I guess that's what I'm looking for...a gentle hand, dealing with rough seas at work...that I will be able to handle whatever fate throws at me...

If I could, I'd ask God to make those lightnings less grandeur...and more people friendly...

Lessons for the ego-brownheaded-ignorant fool...

So, it was my third time in my twenty plus years of life...committing myself to a facial, and entrusting someone to prod and poke my face...despite my previous not-so-memorable experience at the spa...and no, I didn't go back to the one that my mum recommended, just so I can save my mum the embarassment that she had to go through before...

Nevertheless, my worries and restlessness before this facial appointment was totally unfounded...for the FIRST time, there was no extraction of blackheads!!...Yipee!!...Just tonnes of mask, recommended by the specialist (but I never bothered to remember the brand nor purpose)...but I gathered that it was suppose to give my face an uplifting...as to my understanding...

Going back to the past for a bit...my mum had nice skin texture, when she got married...and she blamed me, for blasting and making her hormones go haywire, as zits starting popping like weeds in an unattended garden...my dad on the other hand, having gone through no stress of bearing a child...had perfectly nice skin, with an occasional pimple...and as years passed by, flawed/nicely decorated by some unwanted wrinkles...

So far, I am blessed with good YET not perfect skin...I have yet to experience a pimple epidemic...but I did have to suffer from the 'freckled-face' syndrome (courtesy of my maternal grand-dad) since young...Now, that may not mean a big deal to non-Asian friends...but for a Chinese freckled-face gal, it is the very formula, that starts off a traumatic childhood...taunted by classmates for looking weird...by some aunties who tell me I look un-Chinese-like...

Even now, I am still a victim of my freckles and my not-so-Chinese facial features...I've been mistaken by customers and parents alike, for being a foreigner, in my own local soil...the good side to it, though...that the hotel bell-boys tend to treat me with a little more respect, thinking that I'm an American/British born Chinese...or with a foreign bloodline...the bad side to it, is that I am always skinned financially, when it comes to dealing with car mechanics and peddlers on the street...who has come to assume that since I look foreign-like, I must be a dumb blond who is loaded with cash...and nothing to spend on...

And the fact that I can't speak good Cantonese, is an added disadvantage as well...

So, my cheeks are welded with tonnes of freckles...and my mum used to convince me that I had a combination skin, oily on the T-zone of my face, but dry at the sides, cheeks mainly...she believes that I have inherited her type of skin...So I have spend my lifetime, glossing over supermarket shelves to look for an oil control product, with high hopes of zit prevention...

Only to realize during my recent facial check-up...that I had dry skin!!...No wonder...there was a time, when I washed my face twice daily...and my nose would peel with skin flakes...it was only when I decided to wash my face ONCE a day...those darn flakes disappeared...

So, in summary, all the money I've poured in to face oil-control products for 10 years now, were the very cause of my skin dehydration (thanks, mum!!)...and worse off, I've never bothered to tonne or moisturize on a daily basis...and I've just learned...dry skins are more prone to wrinkles at old age...Oh la la!!...

I've been told to do an uplifting facial mask every 3 weeks...I'll have to google that up later...I don't know what it means!!...but that is the smallest of my problem...I just hope that I have enough self discipline to stay committed to it...*sigh*...

Just so you know, I'm more comfortable with my freckles now, as un-Chinese-like as they may be...For I have come to believe that faces without freckles are like dark blue skies without stars...so there!!

Beyond Narccissism

So, everybody has their tale to tell...everyone has a story to share...as for me, I was not exactly enthusiastic and elated with the idea of of a guy/lady poking their watchamacalit stuff into my teeth and gums...gets my body all tensed up, and I have visions of the devil with his fork, laughing at me while I will myself to my doom...

It wasn't MY idea, that I got braces years ago...in fact, as far as the orthodontist was concern, I only had ONE crooked teeth on the front...and I felt that it was not worth all the pain, the insane amount of money, the restriction to liquid food...but it seems enough a reason for my dad...I don't know what went through his mind...but he seemed to have this paranoia, of not being to marry me off one day..."Eh girl (his pet name for me, apparently), you'd better get your teeth done. If not I will be stuck having to support you for my whole life!!"...Yea, that was sooooooo encouraging, dad...I owe you one there...

It was four years since I took out my braces...and I NEVER wore the retainer...I felt too ecstatic, feeling the freedom around my gums, not suppressed by anything metalic...in fact, I loved this feeling so much, I never looked back...until yesterday...

By now, I think you should know that orthodontist and I do not really have a fate together...I avoid them like plague...especially when they are having in their hands that pointy little metal bugger that throbes at your teeth ever so often...I shiver, just listening to them drill something onto a poor soul's teeth...this torture that haunts you every half a year...I have successfully avoided them for 8 half years...

I decided it was high time, I did scaling...If anyone does not know what that is...scaling, is the removing of extra plaque, tartar and calculus, that is still sticking onto one's teeth...In that process, the orthodontist commented that she has discovered a hole, which needs filling...and my old fillings were wearing out, so I would have to 'renew' them...and worst of all, due to NOT wearing a retainer for these four years, my teeth has shifted position SLIGHTLY...and adviced that if I would still want the teeth that I once had, I would have to stick to my retainer 26 hours a day...

I don't know which is more painful...sticking to my retainer like glue to reposition my teeth, or having my unlucky kids laugh at me for my crooked teeth...

I think I prefer to stick with the retainer...*sigh*...things we do for the love of beauty...

I have an appointment with the orthodontist again next week...to do some re-fillings, and to fix my retainer...yea, I surprised myself sometimes...but my mum would be jumping with joy on her bed right now...it used to be that she had to bribe/pay me to put a foot in the dentist's office...

Too Much Information

This tag thingy is obviously getting out of hand...these are 'getting to know me more' type of 'questionaire'...and I do not know anything that readers would want to know less of...but anyway, here goes :-

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
Do I have to answer this dreaded question??...Ok, so its my guess that I won't be getting married anytime soon...so probably in my 30's...and if I'm not married by then, I'll probably drag the first hobo I can find and do it Las Vegas style...

2. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
If someone buys me a tour ticket, it will be a 'Round-the-world' tour, of course...yes, that is greed taking over...and I have no shame...

3. If you could have one word that’ll describe your mood right now, what would it be?
Excited...Nothing beats the adrenaline rush, of getting to play Counter-Strike again (after a freaking 8 year fast...just hope I don't get that addicted again)...and killing the baddies...so what if I died a million times...I am practising!!...

4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Hmmm...tough question...so, yes...without money, we wouldn't be able to purchase our dream home, go on vacations...which will somehow play a role in nurturing happiness...but so what if we can purchase all these but have no love??...Can I stand in between for this question??

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
*in a cute, baby voice*...I wish for World peace...BLEH!!!...nah, that is too 'beauty pageant' talk...as un-patriotic as I may sound in my other post, I would actually wish that Malaysian society will come out of its 'third-world' mentality...and no more spoon-feeding...at least, that would make my job as a music teacher so much enjoyable...

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Are you kidding me??...Everything that we are dependent on, is purchased by money...so you tell me, is ANYONE able to survive without money?

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My family and friends. And of course, my laptop, my fingers (literally my bread&butter), my storybooks, my music books, my DVDs, my CDs, my comics…

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Demand that my parents stop working...and enjoy the 'harvest!'...get myself a complete set of Roland keys, and mixing equipments...Buy over UCSI, and detonate it!!!...

9. How would you describe the person u like *at the moment*?
Goofy when time calls for it...which makes me laugh...at other times, a great and caring boyfriend...wouldn't ask for more...*grin*...

10. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
Man, will this be long...

• definitely not scrawny...nor lighter than me in weight...
• enjoys a debate/discussion or two
• respects my parents...and me...
• respects what I believe in...he need not agree...that's okay...but don't brush me aside either...
• treats me special...xD
• flexible ego...
• not sexist...
• Optimistic...to balance the pessimistic part of me...
  

11. If you could rewind time would you?
Who wouldn't??...I'd fix me a lot then...

12. What’s your ambition?
Bull-doze Malaysian's politicians down, boost up culture aware-ness, control the world and the world economy ala Adolf Hitler and President Mao...

13. Are you emotional?
You can bet on it!!...when it happens, I go the extreme...if not, I am as if emotionally castrated...

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
To be at peace with myself...

15. If you could undo doing one mistake in the past, what would it be?
*groan*...just ONE??...I would love and forgive myself more...but at the moment, the one mistake I wish to undo...is to NOT participate in this tag...

16. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
Thinking too much...worrying about things that do not deserve my attention...and closing an eye on things that need my attention most...

17. What is the one thing you cannot do but you wish you could?
Speak in public...socialize...I am happy just staying at home with my good friends...but that ain't good...I am limiting myself to endless knowledge...

18. Why are you feeling like this?
Like what?...is this a following question from Question #17?...well, first of all...I am taking a break...I have received many blows of disappointment when it came to friendship issues...I guess in a way, I am trying to protect myself from anymore hurts...yet, in this mode of withdrawal, I have also learn to appreciate my space and treasure it...

19. LINA'S QUESTION: Why am I not asleep?
Erm, it is just closing 10am at night...like Lina would say...we musicians have just started our day...Good morning, everyone!!...besides, 10am sleeping hour are for babies...

20. MY TURN: Do you know how to operate Sibelius software?
Cz I don't...and I have this dumb mid-term assignment that I have to pass up...and I can't find the button that allows me to do drum notations!!...and I need help!!...*google searches "Sibelius software, Urgent Help"*

I have decided to refrain from tagging anyone, less I :
a) get savagely beaten up;
b) get killed;
c) am cruelly tagged by a revenged tagger...and we wouldn't want that now, would we?

But if she would so kindly answer Question #20, when she is free, I would be most grateful...but as for others, feel free to 'be tagged' by me...if you so happen to be running out of topics to post in your blog...*grin*

Unvoluntarily Tagged

Just because this bugger is my friend...and I owe her a HUGE favour...I shall forgive her for taking my life apart, by tagging me...and shall fulfill her request...

The rules are:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player than tags 5 people and posts their names, than goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they done got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

What was I doing 10 years ago (1998)?
1) trying to figure out my sexuality...yes, I was such a tom-boy, there are people (who shall remain anonymous) have asked me time and time again, if I was a lesbian...and yes, it is confirmed that I am a heterosexual...my mum was glad to know...if not, she would have screamed Bloody Mary..
2) playing truant in school..
3) ringing people's doorbell...and running away before they answer the door...so what, you have your naughty moments too...
4) screaming Backstreet Boys...man, was I immature!!...
5) practicing rebellious-ness, and driving my mum nuts...

5 Things on my to-do list today
1) survive an hour and half of boring lecture...
2) survive my blardy students who will most probably not have done a single assignment throughout the two week break...
3) resist the temptation of tearing my hair out while doing my compositions and arrangements...I am balding now, which is not a good sign...thank God for my thick hair...
4) Fill my car up...my baby is thirsty...
5) wash my hair...

5 Snacks I enjoy
1) Cachos with thousand island dressing
2) paper sea-weeds
3) tooth-decaying, and weight gaining marshmallows...
4) DARK BELGIUM chocs...
5) sugar-coated Oreos with dumped in fresh milk...

5 Things I would do if I were a multi-billionaire
1) Hire a mafia to eliminate carcasses, namely Baby Vellu
2) Buy an island and retire there...
3) Buy the Federal Bank Reserve, and become a multi-zillionaire...
4) I'd get myself G3-/SG-1 Sniper Rifle and finish off Vellu myself...save mafias the trouble...
5) Purchase a Stradivarius violin and a Steinway Grand...which if I did, I would not have the money to execute any of the above...

5 of my bad habits
1) keeping lose change...my heavy pocket full of coins, is weighing my pants down...
2) doggy-ear my books...
3) workaholic extreme...
4) switching off snooze buttons and not waking up...the sleeping beast that I am...
5) checking for cellulites...

5 places I have lived in:
1) Paradise Bay Hotel, Penang
2) Toyota Corona 1.6 (1982), Number Plate :WAS2754
3) University practice rooms
4) 10, Persiaran Bandar Baru Tambun
5) National Library

5 people I tag:
Anyone who is as insane as I am, to be doing a tag at this ungodly hour...

Beauty over Death

Here is the highlight of the century...ready to hear it??...Here goes...

...I.A.M.S.O.D.A.R.N.V.A.I.N.....

I never thought I would have given in so easily...So, yes...everybody has an opinion...and everyone is entitled to express them...weather we may or may not agree with that bitch...everybody has a story...their personal experience of wearing stiletto high-heeled shoe...but it is my guess...that time has truly tainted their memories...

"Wearing high heels are a must!!...You'll feel so sexy walking in it...the way guys follow you around...UN-BE-LIEV-A-BLE!!"...

Did she really have to break into mono-syllables just to prove her point, I wonder...I did get slightly irritated at her doing so, as I felt reminded once again, how left behind I am...when it comes to dealing with fashion...

Yet, in all her excitement, she sure forgot to mention how blardy painful it could be, though!!...A warning would be very much appreciated...but its too late for that now...

I'll be honest...it is nice to wear high-heeled shoes...ONCE A YEAR...There are many highlights to be wearing it...you will feel super-duper tall...(especially for those midgets)...The ability to retrieve something from what was once called a TALL cupboard...looking down at a child, and realizing how small they can be...nailing a pest, with the pointed side of the shoe...and killing it pronto...yeah, those were the good perks...

The biggest perks...is the straight back that I have had to develop, while walking...if not, I would have suffered chronic back-ache...man, I'm sounding so vain right now...

But the pain is UN-BEAR-A-BLE!!...EX-CRU-CIA-TING-LY painful...Yes, I'm breaking it into mono-syllable emphasis...and I truly believe and stand by what I say...especially when one has been standing on her toes for hours on end...with all the blood rush into my feet, it looks like a pewny baby Godzilla's foot...or a pregnant lady, suffering from a bloated feet!!...

And besides, I just drove myself up a notch higher, by buying a 2 inch high heeled shoe...(my previous one was 1 inch)...you thought that I would have walked quite nicely by now...having 2 years experience under my belt...but noooooooooooooooo.....I am still dwadling like a penguin...left to right, right to left...some people even mentioned that I look like a crab, sideways...

Hey guys, cut me some slack, will ya!!...I'm trying to improve myself...by joining the blardy group of crazy high-heeled people...and you guys degrade me just like that!!..despite the constant reminder of health dangers wearing high-heels, I'm still doing it...don't I deserve some credit?...(or is that a sign of stupidity??)....and by the way, just so you know...getting my arse into a shoe shop and being able to shop for one...is one big battle won!!...so there!!...