On Shopping...

I know that I've never managed to keep my loathe and dislike for shopping in my previous post...but I now have something to confess...I lied...well..sort of...

I love shopping...but for books only...in fact, I'd rather go through shelves of books...then rummage my fingers through a clothing rack...

But do allow me to enlist why...

1. Annoying sales people...

"Miss...this looks SO a-ma-zing on you!!!...and you have great legs...and the skirt would just fit you perfectly...and you know what would make it better??...a set of high heels" (Note : I took the liberty of translating it from Cantonese to English and correcting some grammar for easy reading)

Breaking into annoying mono-syllables, emphasizing every word to death...she acted as if a red shirt with white polka dots was the most amazing article of clothing ever mass produced...as if the idea of this pathetic fashion designer was a work of a genius...but I chose to disregard the fact that she was merely complimenting me in a sheer attempt to make money...muttered a "thank you but no thanks"...changed into my own shabby clothes...and walked out of the store...no shirt, skirt nor high heels...

Besides, I didn't appreciate that she was tagging along with me EVERYWHERE I WENT...Yes, thank you very much for the undivided yet unwanted attention...but I still value my privacy...I don't think that self-serving comments on every itsy bitsy act that I do was helpful at all...in fact, I feel that there is an annoying fly around me, that refuses to leave me alone...I've got nothing against sales people...but please, with all due respect, leave me alone...sometimes, I feel insulted that you are hanging on my tail all the time...as if I am a suspect for shoplifting or something...just hang around the store...and I will call you when I need you...I don't need someone sticking to me like a leech all the time, especially in clothes and shoe shopping...all these shopping is a painful process...and is best suffered in private...

2. Crowd...

Here, I've got to admit, I am referring to ladies as a whole rather than guys...I love guys when it comes to shopping...in my observation, when guys walk up to a pile of neatly folded clothes...they would usually pause for a while, in contemplation...considering the products that are placed before them...they usually take the 'look but do not touch yet' approach...and will only mess with the pile if and ONLY IF, they think that the clothing is worth their hard earned money...and most fantastic thing about guys is that most of them will attempt to smoothen the pile once they are done, so that it looks untouched...

But go take a look at the ladies section...there goes a picture of land of mass destruction...women turns from their petite-and-ever-so-fragile act...to horrible beasts from hell...they, will take a perfect pile of folded shirts...go through the ENTIRE sack of clothings, RIP one out from beneath twenty shirts (and leaving the rest of them in a sorry state of disorder)...and hold it against her body...decides the shirt is not her taste after all...throw the shirt back in with the mess...and repeats the circle for at least twenty times before leaving the store with one/two clothings...

Makes me wonder at times...so the shirt on the top pile, may not necessarily be her size...but the shirt on top IS identical in pattern to all the other shirts beneath it...Why mess up the whole stack unless you REALLY want that shirt on the bottom??...

3. The frustration...

Oh the joys of shopping...where do I start...I think I've mentioned it before...shopping for shoes, is ALMOST impossible...unless I want a KIKI-LALA imprinted on the soles of my shoe...shopping for clothes are the worst...there was a time, when I was much thinner...and so was my bust...and shirts just didn't highlight my cleavage or whatsoever...so nothing suited me...not to mention that I am completely colour blind when it comes to clothes matching...and also, I was never up to date with the latest fashion...

Now, that I've been more 'prosperous' sideways and on my bust...most of the clothes that I try on just makes me look plump...well, not the black ones...but I've got enough black shirts in my wardrobe, thank you very much...

You know...its painful to be rejected all the time...but I've received so many rejections, I thought I should be used to it by now...

Appreciating the Space

Today...for the first few times, rare ones, as it is...I have done something that was totally rewarding...

For today...I did...nothing...yup...accomplished nothing...

Well...not TOTALLY nothing...now, that I come to think of it...I did practice my graduation piece 'Wildlife'...with my boyfriend...and we had a tough nut to crack...especially on the rhythm...but other than that, I spent the whole day walking...window shopping, both in Leisure Mall...and MidValley...ah, I did do a couple of hours of beautiful reading...

Yes, I do allow myself to indulge in this 'personal time' once in a while...after all...I am working 4 days a week now...classes 4 days a week too...and the rest, I spent practicing my piano (both jazz and classical...I'm preparing for my LTCL piano Dip. at the moment)...and my violin as well...my timetable is usually so packed...that my school mates, those who are patient enough, that is...would have to booked me a week in advance...some have already given up...even one of my dear friends has commented that "It is easier to book an appointment with the Prime Minister than it is to book one with Emily..."...Yes...that is a sad case, I've got to admit...I enjoy every working minute...yet, I hunger for a good empty slot...like...TODAY!!!!....

Classes canceled...and I decided to work myself...in a leisure walk...and for those who knows me...Emily Goh rarely shops...for shoes and clothings, that is...books, she does not flinch at all...but shoes and clothings...you have got to shop with her, to know what pain in the neck she is...totally zero fashion sense...capable of wearing a pyjamas to college...(I only tried that ONCE...okay...no biggie)...yet, one have got to understand as well...how frustrating it could be for her to shop for shoes...can you imagine, stepping into every shoe shop...only to know that there is no shoe that is smaller than a size 4??...and yes, so she wears a size 3...but that is no excuse to publicly humiliate her by sending her to the KIDS department, is there??...come on...give it a break and save her some dignity, you know...so she was 'blessed' with one of the tinniest of feet and hand...big deal....

But yes, thank God...today...for once, she found a pair of shoes that she could wear...it was slightly big, no doubt about that...but she has just about given up, asking for a size 3...its comfortable enough, thats what is important...just make sure that she is not climbing a hill on that...or she will be standing on feet of a pregnant lady, that's for sure...swells all over...

Ah...the insanity creeps back tomorrow...my hands will be full with the handling of rascals, that parents unleash upon me...to a certain extend, I'm okay with that...I rather take this, as a form of escapism...then to have to handle emotional frustrations and stress that overwhelms me at times...when I'm emotionally frustrated with the happenings in college...work and violin/piano practice becomes my sanctuary...and things does not seem so bad...at least, work and practices tires my brain, as to keep my heart from messing with it...so I need not think of what troubles me most...until it is time to do so...

Weirded out...

My piano teacher in a Can-Can dress (Moulin Rouge style)...with layers after layers of petticoats...
Me, losing my gold teeth...
The Boyfriend scolding me for losing my gold teeth...
Human-Sea-Turtles display...
Me giving away my hole T-shirts that was punctured by crockroaches...
my dad riding on a carousel amusement ride...

I'm tired...my dreams are getting weirder and weirder by the moment...none of the above makes sense...

My piano teacher, as fit as she is...I can't picture her in a Can-Can...just t-shirt and a pair of jeans...

I, have barely aged...so I have no false teeth...and even if I were to have one, in 60 years to come, it wouldn't be plated in gold...probably be made of wood...

The Boyfriend rarely raises his voice, let alone scold...

And as we all know so well...there are Human species and Turtle species...but there is no such thing as sub species of Human-cum-Turtles...

I do not own t-shirts filled with crockroach-punctured-holes...and I would never go so low, as to donate them...that is shameless!!!...

And if anyone knew my dad, it would be when the pig grown horns and chickens fly, before we ever catch him riding on a carousel!!!...

*sigh*...I need a rest...on top of the sleep I've just had...

Pet Peeves

People who...

...thinks its a glorifying sight to see the contents of one's food being bitten and broken down to bits...Not me!!!...Close 'yer mouth!!...

...go to great lengths to get your attention...and upon receiving it..they say "Nevermind"...

...act as if they are God's gift to human kind...come on, get a life!!...

...get of the escalators EXTREMELY slow...except for the elderly, of course...Hello!!!...if you didn't realize...there are people right behind you...if you don't get off quick, we might run into you...

...smoke right in front of you...Listen...I don't smoke...but I don't mind you smoking yourself to the brink of death...I un-willingly expose myself, as a second-hand smoker, knowing the risk of it...and I am not complaining...I am willing to be patient...but damn you if you smoke right in my face, I will personally give you a piece of my mind...literally...you know the health risk when smoking, and you made a personally choice to face it...but not me...I didn't sign up for this...and you're NOT taking me down with you...

...complains on and on...about how atrociously out of tune it sounds, when a grade 5 violin student is practising...guys, we sympathize with you...hearing a 'chicken squeal'...but if you can, please bear with us...you think listening to one practice on the violin is painful??...try being the student practicing on the violin instead...heesh...at least you guys can opt to walk out of the room anytime you want...

...stand in front of the elavators, hence blocking the way out...it is so hard for people to realize that in order to get IN those elavators, one has to first make way for people to get OUT??...

...queue in really long lines...then upon reaching the counter...take another 5 minutes to think about what to order...They had all the time in the world to make a choice, while waiting for their turn...but they had to wait till that SIGNIFICANT moment...to hold the line...and take up our time...

...speeds up...just to over-take you...secure their space in front of you...and speed up no more...if anything...they slow down...

...allows their young kids to cry...and cry...and cry...through out the whole 3 hour journey on a bus to Ipoh...

...let their young kids out of their cages...and grab a french fry from a stranger...and the parents actually thinks its cute...

...don't turn on the signal lights, when cutting you off...or when doing a turn...if the signal button is spoiled...roll down the window and make hand signs...I'm too young to die...so back off!!!...

...talk aloud in movie theaters...sister, if I wanted to know the story about your life, I'd ask...but at the moment...any movie on screen would be more interesting compared to your current life...so, if you please...SHUT UP!!!...

...just don't understand instructions..."10 items or less" counter...it means...a counter that would provide its services for people that has 10 items to buy...or maybe 9 items...in order te ordeal of waiting would be less painful...get it??...well, if you had 13 items...and you choose to ignore the sign...I can forgive you...but TWO TROLLEYS of items??!!!...25 items altogether, and the offender thinks its funny...well, I don't...it defeats the purpose of having a "10 items or less" counter, doesn't it??...

...and many more, which I'm unable to cover at the moment...those will have to be saved for later...gotta practice on my violin first...

WGL 1669 (Finale)

So, I went to make a police report again, with a faint hope that I could claim insurance, though I am completely clueless as to how the process goes...

Goes to show, that there is no complete justice in this world...the nice Chinese fella at the police station (one of the tow-drivers, I suppose)...advised me to not pursue the case...as it was my word, against the Malay lorry driver...the truth doesn't play a role here...As there are no witnesses, and my car, was rammed at the right side, and not directly at the back...the truth could be twisted till its unrecognizable...and the blame could be put entirely on me...and the police could be slap me with a summon instead...and no sympathy at all...

Hence, here is a lesson for us all...the 'back-car-knocking- the-front-car-is-always-at-fault' theory once given by my father, does not hold true in court anymore...only in your heart and conscience...unless, its a bumper to bumper crash...so, once again...its not the matter of weather who is right or wrong...but who is better with words, and in arguing...AND more sleazy...I lose at this point...I'm good at rationalizing, and debating my point...only if and only when I am not emotionally involved in that situation...other than that...I'm hopeless...

p/s: btw, to anyone who have had bad experiences as I have just gone through...or even those who had not...just for safety and knowledge sake, check this site out...as it has provided me a lot of information as to how the process goes, in claiming car insurances, etc...

WGL 1669 (Part 2) - The LOSER

Why I think you are such a loser : (For whole story, please refer to the previous post)

1. You were not even gentleman enough to attempt to see if I was okay...and I was the one with the damages...

2. You were way behind me, that I can confirm...yet, you managed to crash into me at high speed...if I was in a Proton Saga, I would have been crushed to pulps by now...

3. I was on a stationery position...still, you are able to crash into me...

4. You were not even responsible enough to say sorry...and worst, you challenged me...and I'm not taken into threats so easily...in fact, they piss me off a lot...

5. All you can say is, "I ade brek!"...no better excuses??...

WGL1669

*ring* *ring*...*ring* *ring*...

"Hey, girl...you called me?"

"Yes, are you free now?"

"Not really...why?"

"Are you in a good mood?"

"Not really...what is it?"

"Its ok then...I will call you to tell you some other time."

"What is it?...you called me, but now you don't want to tell me about it..."

"OK then...I just thought you should know...your daugther got into an accident, but she is ok now..."

*silence*

"Is the car okay?"...

So, yesterday, I was involved in an accident (Tuesday, 27th Nov 2007)...though my car wasn't a total loss...and the fault wasn't mine...its the inconvenience of it that frustrates the hell out of me...having to drive all the way to Ampang to see the traffic police and make a report, send my car for extensive fixtures, claim insurance...yup, and all that jazz...

I was on my way to Corus Hotel, to attend a Trinity College Music Examination, as a piano accompanist for a student of mine...I passed the round-about and took a 3 o'clock turn, to join the crowd of traffic, all slow-moving...though not at stand still...I was easing my way to the right side of the lane, from the middle lane...and yes, I did my safety checks...signal lights were on...looked in the rear-view mirror...checked...looked at the right side-mirror (which was the most important, as I had to check if there is any cars on my right, before joining them)...yup, I saw a lorry...looks small from the side-mirror...but, yup, I could see the whole bloody lorry...which means, he is some distance away...and I could make my move...and I did...little by little, though...as the car in front of me, has not cleared yet...

I heard a loud and LONG honk...should be the lorry-driver, I presume...maybe he is irritated, that I've cut his queue...understandable enough...I do that sometimes...I get annoyed easily, especially when I'm stuck in a non-air-conditioned car...in the midst of a traffic jams...and someone conveniently cuts into my queue...no big deal...it will blow over soon...

I saw the lorry coming...I would expect him to stop...(since he honked, it actually meant that he was aware of my presence, wouldn't it)...but NOOOooooo...he whacked straight into my right passenger door...and because of the speed he was in, when he whacked my car...it didn't stop there...it plough through, till it reached me...the driver's door...

From the left passenger's window, the passenger in the lorry, asked me to move my car...

"You rammed into my driver's door, making a small valley whole, with your headlights french-kissing it...I can't even move, you DOOFUS!!!...YOU reverse YOUR lorry!!!"...I thought...and signaled him to do so...and he did...

I got down from the car...with much attempt, as I could barely get my door to open...it was completely jammed...

Took a good look at the driver...

"I ade brek!!!" (Direct translation : I got brake!!!)

I kept my composure...and talked to him, wrecking my brains to find the words in Malay...which I shall, for the ease of readers, translate it to English...

"The problem is not weather you braked or not...but its that you did not brake in time...meaning...you were not paying attention..."

"Kenape you keluar?...Tak nampak I pandu laju ke?" (Direct translation : Why did you move out?...Didn't see me speeding, is it?)

"Driving fast or not...I did after all signal..."

"Ya, I nampak you signal...I ade brek!!...I ada brek"...(Direct translation : Yes, I saw you signal...I got brake!...I got brake!!)...personally...I think "I ada brek" was the only the that existed in his mind, since he emphasize it ever so often...

Looks like we are back to square one...apparently, he was not listening to me no more...

"Can I see your licence please"

"Tengok buat apa?" (Direct translation : See for what?)

"So that I can make a police report."

"Buat polis report, buat la...you ingat I takut you ke?...I ada lisen...semua ada...pergi buat polis report, I bagi tengok"...(Direct translation : you want to make a police report, make la...you think I'm scared of you?...I have licence...everything I have...go make a police report...only then I let you see)

Frankly speaking, I would have gone to make a police report immediately...but as I was rushing for the exam, I didn't want to create an uproar within myself...so I left...two guys against a girl...I was just not a match for them...

I had a thorough check of the damges made on my car, after the exam...so, right passenger door, half smashed to the pulp...the door handle is gone...(and just so you know, my car is made of metal, old Toyota Corona 1.6 (1982)...so imagine the speed he was in when he crashed into my car)...door cannot be opened nor closed...because the curvature was so great, it actually had the top of the door, where the windows are...sticking out...naturally letting in fresh air...

Driver's door is screwed too...though not as bad...still...the lock is jammed...you cannot open it at all...with all the muscle building that I've done to tone my arms...I still failed...have to get in through the left front passenger seat to be able to drive...back wheel's allignment is gone...I can feel it totally out, when I take hold of the steering...

To the idiotic-ninkampoop driver of WGL 1669,

I have thought and thought again...reflected on the incident...look up online about situations like this...read and re-read, checked the words on the online dictionary...and it still says you are in the wrong...and I quote from a site...

"the insurance adjuster would need a witness beyond the other driver to prove you came into the motor home's lane so fast that the motor home was unable to stop."

And here...'motor home' means, you, my dear bro...so...I was in a stationary position, and I definitely DID NOT go to your lane "so fast" that you were unable to stop (I couldn't go fast, even if I wanted to...it was a TRAFFIC JAM!!!)...AND...dude, you were way behind me...not in my blind spot...the problem??...you were speeding...and therefore, you couldn't stop in time...simple as that...when there are tonnes of car, oozling in and out...you choose to speed...which I don't understand...if it was a highway...I could close an eye...but in TOWN???....

Yet, I'm aware...this accident was not a dead-on, rear-end-hit...where it would then make yours and my life so much easier...therefore, difficult to prove your liability for my loss...and that, I understand...I'm not angry nor hurt...as much as it does hurt my pocket...it could be surprising, but I feel sorry for you...sorry for the ones sitting in the car you drive...hopefully, it would not be traumatic, as it has been for me...and I'm not even sitting in your car...

You know...I may be months poorer...and maybe as poor as a church mouse for a couple of months, while I get my car fixed...but that it is not the main thing...so, yes...it is a big pinch for me...and yes, I do feel it...but at least I can sleep peacefully at night...I've no doubt you will too...seeing that you have totally no sense of responsibility...hopefully, next time, the person who suffers the crash would not be you...HOPEFULLY....*fingers crossed*

Owner of Toyata Corona 1.6
WAS 2754

Back to the conversation with my dad...

"So now that the door is spoiled...what if the thieves steal the car?"

Well, dad...if they are able to OPEN my driver's door in the first place...then we can consider the fact that they MAY steal this precious right-side-crushed car...

My Torture Chamber

For those who knows me well, I have certain hesitations and some strong views about many things. One of which is, I never liked the idea of facial, "face specialist"...so they call themselves...that threaten to poke my face black and blue...so I've always managed to keep a 10 feet distance away from them...and had no worries about the teasing and taunting I received about how "unlady-like" I was becoming...I wasn't much of a beauty obsessed person anyway...and another, is to keep my hair chemical free as much as possible....and I broke those two rules in less than 3 days....

It happened like this...it is the end of the semester and holidays just started...not that it has been a really a stressful semester...but insane semesters before, has really wreaked havoc with my complexion...not to forget hormonal imbalance and excessive food consumption, of course...usually, when my face feels like suffering some rough edges of a bumpy road, I would normally let nature take its course...but since I've got a little time to spare, I decided to give myself a little treat and give nature an extra push...

My mum, who swears by facials...never fails to attend one monthly...was ever so excited to hear about my intentions...

"My dear!!!...You're turning into a GIRL!!!"...

I went beserk...."()*_!&@#*($&#@%^*&@???!!!!!!"...

Who was I, then...for these 23 years and 13 months of existance??!!...An evolving Martian???!!....Straight away, she went to the telephone book and made the appointment for me, with HER beautician...I guess, she wasn't at all convinced that I was serious about the whole facial thingy...and decided to take action into her own hands before I could utter any word of protest...frankly speaking, by that time, my confidence was starting to wane...

I walked into the shop, slightly nervous and feeling alone...for RM10, I would have walked out of there...no questions asked...I sat down on the receptionist table, and filled in a form...turns out, that I've got to do a questionnaire, so that they could "better understand my face problem"...check out their atrocious Malaysian grammar...I observed a calender staring, just in front of me..."Relax, Revitalize and Detoxify"....*sigh*...I'm DEFINITELY in a facial shop...

The beautician studied my face...prodding here and there...

"Your skin not enough water-la"...

Sister, I think the term you're looking for is "DEHYDRATION"...man, she just made my skin sound like a water tank or something...and who isn't dehydrated anyway??...So, I don't drink enough water, big deal...can we move on???...

"Aiyo, very oily-la, your face"

Can someone get me a beautician who speaks English with PROPER GRAMMER???!!!

"Your nose very dry"....

I think she means that the skin on the tip of my nose is flaking...but didn't she just say that my skin looked dehydrated??...Honestly, I think she is starting to run out of things to criticize me about...

"You must do facial every two weeks...when last time you do facial?"

Now, let me see...I tone and moisturize weekly, but thats about it...but up till now, I only had ONE facial in my entire 22 years and 36 months...the one that my mum coaxed me to do eons and light-years ago...in an attempt to qualify for a free massage and aromatherapy session...and even that, I walked out after the "first step"...facial cleaning...and I never looked back...I just don't see the logic in paying someone to do something that I do every day and night!!! And that was erm....6 years ago??...if you count that as a facial...which obviously the beautician didn't...

She looked at me, as if I've committed the worst crime of the century...and immediately, I feel a clench of alarm...not saying a single word, she folded up her sleeves and started to work on me...after all, she has...what...about...24 years of dead skin to exfoliate...and she couldn't afford to waste time on small chats...

The cleansing part was a breeze...I didn't want to admit it, but her expert fingers running across my face...somewhat felt ticklish and nice...ah, its nice to be pampered sometimes...then came the extraction of blackheads...I whimpered and hollered through the whole session without a thought of keeping my mouth shut to save myself from embarrassment...

"Everybody also do it wan-la...its just for a while..."

First of all, her lack of concern for grammar was starting to get on my nerves...and secondly...I would actually see 30 seconds as "a while"...but 20 MINUTES???!!!!...with a zillion blackheads on my face???...and even that, I would regret to say...is an understatement...I hated myself for compromising...this was why I never signed up for facial...EVER...Those metal steel blackhead popper with a thin loop on one end...designed to make your life a pro-long misery...poking and pricking into your vulnerable face...those horrible unsightly blocked pores...whatever happened to using BIORE blackhead removal strips??...you know, those amazing little plaster-look-alikes??

Next session was moisturizing and massage...that completely took me to a reverse mode...as the poor beautician ( I guess its her first time facing an ignorant-eggheaded gal who hates facial ) struggled to massage a white sticky lotion on my face...around the cheeks...to the chin...neck...and the collar bones to the shoulders...I was struggling to stay still and not kick about...for this time, I was aware of the humiliation that stands before me...and desperately, I made an attempt not to wriggle...It all started with a giggle...then a compressed-sounding snort ...then the hulabalu awakes!!!...and I was roaring with laughter uncontrollably...to the point that I had to beg her to forgo the massage and just apply the goo...by now, I should make a note, that the beautician was clearly exasperated at my non-experience of this entire thing...

"You're very scare of tickle la"...

For once, I couldn't find the energy within myself to correct her grammar spams...I lie down quietly for the rest of the time, as she finished and send me off..without another chuckle...totally unlike the person I was, when I first started this session...I had a glimpse at the mirror...thanks to patches of red on my face...with all her pinching and squeezing, I wasn't that pretty a sight to look at...but never mind...I came out of that facial shop alive...and I survived...well, three quarter it, at least...and it will be a very, very, VERY long time before I step into that shop again...yes, my reputation has been stained...

And so has my mum's...and I don't know how my friends can claim that squeezing blackheads are addictive...

HELLO WORLD!!

In this section, people would usually grab the opportunity to introduce and describe themselves in such a manner…that will mislead you into believing that they are the most interesting, accomplished creature on earth and that you are most lucky to have even met them…hence, nurturing the incentive for you to read their every word, and eagerly awaiting new entries…

*sigh* I’m really tempted to do so…but if I did, I’ll be lying to you, and worst of all…to me…I guess that even if I were to do so, you guys will most probably guess anyway, and I’ll be exposed for the computer kultz cum idiot that I really am…

So I guess I should come out clean, shouldn't I?…Here goes;

1. I am NOT interesting at all...if you don't believe me, ask my brothers...

2. My daily life is boring...it consists of mainly working, practicing my piano, violin, reading, surfing the internet, and sleeping...in fact, even as I write this, I'm itching for an adventure...a vacation...anything besides burying myself in assignments...

3. Actually, my life is less than interesting…in fact, I believe that if I were to write an autobiography about it…it will one of the kind that the publisher will give a glance at the first few sentences with a painful cringe…and roll his eyes with the “You gotta be kidding me” look…and toss it into a discarded box, where all Chemistry textbooks lie...bookstores may even burn that book, just to keep warm during the winter...who knows??...

So one may ask, why do I even bother blogging?…well, just to get a couple of myths out of the way...

I DO NOT blog because I find my life so evidently entertaining that I am doing the world a favour by documenting my life in great detail...I also DO NOT blog because I think I am the most gifted writer to ever grace the virtual world with her presence...in fact, on the contrary...

I blog because I am at the age where I face plenty of crossroads...hitting my 20's...things are completely different now from when I was a teenager then...more heart-breaking principals to stand strong to...more tough reality decisions to make...and most of all, no more erasers...

Simply put, I blog because there are times I feel lonely...my heart can only hold so much…the rest, I prefer to put it in writing…besides trying to practice my freedom of speech…and her rights to be sarcastic…I need a place where I can relinquish my thoughts in peace…a place where she can share her rhapsodies, and rants about life…and hopefully find friends who have been through the exact same thoughts...

You have been fore-warned...

Hello World!!

In this section, people would usually grab the opportunity to introduce and describe themselves in such a manner…that will mislead you into believing that they are the most interesting, accomplished creature on earth and that you are most lucky to have even met them…hence, nurturing the incentive for you to read their every word, and eagerly awaiting new entries…

*sigh* I’m really tempted to do so…but if I did, I’ll be lying to you, and worst of all…to me…I guess that even if I were to do so, you guys will most probably guess anyway, and I’ll be exposed for the computer kultz cum idiot that I really am…

So I guess I should come out clean, shouldn't I?…Here goes;

1. I am NOT interesting at all...if you don't believe me, ask my brothers...

2. My daily life is boring...it consists of mainly working, practicing my piano, violin, reading, surfing the internet, and sleeping...in fact, even as I write this, I'm itching for an adventure...a vacation...anything besides burying myself in assignments...

3. Actually, my life is less than interesting…in fact, I believe that if I were to write an autobiography about it…it will one of the kind that the publisher will give a glance at the first few sentences with a painful cringe…and roll his eyes with the “You gotta be kidding me” look…and toss it into a discarded box, where all Chemistry textbooks lie...bookstores may even burn that book, just to keep warm during the winter...who knows??...

So one may ask, why do I even bother blogging?…well, just to get a couple of myths out of the way...

I DO NOT blog because I find my life so evidently entertaining that I am doing the world a favour by documenting my life in great detail...I also DO NOT blog because I think I am the most gifted writer to ever grace the virtual world with her presence...in fact, on the contrary...

I blog because I am at the age where I face plenty of crossroads...hitting my 20's...things are completely different now from when I was a teenager then...more heart-breaking principals to stand strong to...more tough reality decisions to make...and most of all, no more erasers...

Simply put, I blog because there are times I feel lonely...my heart can only hold so much…the rest, I prefer to put it in writing…besides trying to practice my freedom of speech…and her rights to be sarcastic…I need a place where I can relinquish my thoughts in peace…a place where she can share her rhapsodies, and rants about life…and hopefully find friends who have been through the exact same thoughts...

You have been fore-warned...

The Man of My Nightmares

The man of my nightmares....really...I keep having nightmares about this guy when I was a kiddo...The main character of the IT horror show that I saw on the Idiot Box (telly)...It wasn't that scary when I first read the novel...its when I saw the show, that I've changed my mind since then...it is more than 10 years already...but still...he is the reason why :

1. I've quit reading Stephen King's works...even though there are plenty King's writings that are amazing...

2. At the tender age of 10, I fear going to the washroom alone...

3. I don't watch horror movies anymore...

4. I stare down the hole in the kitchen sink...to make sure he is not going to spring a surprise on me....I stil do sometimes...even the young adult that I've now become...call it paranoia...see if I actually care...

5. I don't do too well with clowns...

6. I can't look at Ronald McDonald straight in face without twitching...don't even try convincing me to take a photo sitting beside Mr. McDonald...I will so freak out...

7. I can never bear listening to Tchaikovsky's "Nutcracker" Suite, Op. 71a, as beautiful as the piece is...gives me the shivers every time....for it is this Nutcracker piece that welcomes the every appearance of this clown character in the movie...

p/s : try watching this IT show...you will know what I mean...*shudders*...but I gotta give him the credit..he is such a good actor..to be able to give me creeps...even after a decade long...

Malaysia at its best...

It is a still-yet-dishearten feeling that I could not shake off, even till now, that leads me to write this post...I am referring to a report, from the Sun newspaper a month ago, entitled "Ministry will bar 'offensive' publications". According to this article, there are 'undesirable publications that deem to threaten public order, morality or national interest'...man, will you be surprised at the list of the books they have come up with!!!...

Few of the listed books are Rebecca Wells' Divine Secrets of the Ya-ya Sisterhood, Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart, political biographies such as Mao: A Life and educational books like How to Talk to your Child about Sex and Breastfeeding your Baby: The Revised Edition...

So let me get it straight...reading about breastfeeding would also teach us how to turn the public order upside down....*snorts*....*psst...can I laugh now??*....* I assume permission is granted*....HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!*rolls on the floor laughing...using hanky to wipe tears...and climbs back to the chair*....Man, next to it, I might as well just dress up like a clown and start doing the Homer's Dance....

But on a serious note, I think it is a real shame...Can someone tell me, how does Divine Secrets of the Ya-ya Sisterhood threaten our morality in any way?...If you ask me, I think that Ms. Rebecca here made a fabulous work of art...A keen insight on sisterhood friendships....yet without dis-missing the vulnerability of human kind...

What about Things Fall Apart?...Sometimes, without any disregard nor disrespect to the Ministry, I really wonder if they have actually taken time of to spent some time reading works of this sort....or are they making a judgment based on reading a summary off a book review...Honestly!!...This piece of literature is classic...one in which I studied and prepared for my SPM, Literature In English subject, years ago...True, I don't deny the indication of violence in the story....but it talks so much about anti-colonization!!!...Isn't that suppose to be good?...Yet, how could one expect Chinua Achebe to write about sheeps skipping and hopping on a vast green meadow, when the story is trying to portray the conflicts' and struggles' of the African tribe, in keeping the peace and order of the community?...Why not then bar the works of William Shakespeare as well? Literatures such as Othello and Macbeth certainly has many elements of kinship, betrayal and violence in it...

This brings me to the book Mao: A Life...His reign in China has been one terror...and the world deserves to know what was behind the scenes and what led to his dictatorship....Why do we want to bury ourselves underneath a coconut shell?...Would anyone really believe that in doing so, we are protected?...IGNORANT...would be a so much better word, wouldn't you agree?...What now...is the Ministry really that afraid that with reading the book on Mao, someone would have gathered his guts to point a gun to our Prime Minister's head?....

Yet, the one that really amazes me, is the barring of the two books: How to Talk to Your Child About Sex and Breastfeeding Your Baby....My hats off to the Internal Security Ministry...Obviously, they are not aware...or choose to be ignorant...whichever suits the situation...of how uneducated the younger generation here, are about Sex. In our Malaysian community where we are still quite conservative to a certain extend, parents talking or even sharing the topic of sex with their children is an unwritten taboo...Well, its no wonder then, our young generation has turned to experimenting among themselves and gets into so much trouble nowadays....

My personal plea...someone tell the Ministry too...please....come on...give us all a break...and not bar these literature...It is already hard enough trying to convince our young generation to read and be curious about the world around them, without giving them another excuse to NOT read...just because the books are barred...heesh...

Honestly, I don't know about them..the Ministry...But I am TRULY, ABSOLUTELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ashamed on their behalf...so much for a self-declared developed nation...my arse!!!!

Misconception about Contemp...whatchamacalit...

This is the usual scenario...when visiting relatives...or even bumping into an ex-schoolmate, which you've been trying to avoid, the minute you finished high school.....

"Oh...so...what are you studying now??...Engineering degree??....Gosh, you must be making good money in future!!"

"Business Management?...wow....what are you majoring in?".....

"Bio-technology?...that's great!!...How many years before you graduate?"....

And the most common that I've heard so far....

"Doctor?....Gosh...you must have been a top student in your school!!...So clever".....

Well, you get my point...

But its a different case for me....almost every time I visit MY relatives....or even when I tag along with my mom to visit her friends...

"Hey girl (some of the old aunties just can't get the hang of my English name, so to be safe, they just stick to the name "girl"...)...so what are you studying now?....Contemp-what?..."

"Contemporary music?....what music is that?...is that the same as classical??"

"Contemporary music, majoring in performance?....wow, how bad did you do in high school??..."

"Contemporary music...dude, why do you take such an easy subject?...you will have so much time in your hands, that you'll be wasting too much time hanging out in mamak stalls!!"...

"Contemporary music...erm...let me see....erm...erm...

.*blank*/*silence*.....

And the best response that I get....tops the list....

"Contemp music?...you don't look like one...Where are your piercings?...Tattoos?...Do you smoke cocaine?...Does mummy know?..."...(*are you kidding me??*)

So...Summoning the little dignity that I have left...I would just like to make a statement here...for the sake of setting the record straight....to clear all obscurity....and for venting out purposes, of course...

1. Contemporary music...DOES NOT only consist of pop songs....we DO NOT only play pop songs...which consist of an average of 3-6 chords, and 2 basic chord progressions....Contemporary music covers music of the early 1900s...starting from even Stravinsky and Aaron Copland...who are actually classical composers...Contemporary music consists of Blues music, Jazz music (Cool Jazz, Swing Jazz, Big Band Jazz...etc), Rock and Roll, Rock, Metal, Disco and Dancing Music, RNB...get the picture?.....

2. We, contemporary students don't get life easy as many people think....we don't just play music...we have to study them too...It really escapes my imagination...and understanding...as to what and how people perceive Contemporary music to be....they seem to think that we just crank up the distortion on the guitar, strike a few notes in beat and in pitch....that's music....but I do beg to differ...

a)...Learning music...be it classical and contemp (they are a completely different genre, by the way)...takes just as much discipline and concentration...like any other degrees would require....Unlike some professions like business management, Mass Communication...(No pun intended on anyone at all, as I said...its just my opinion)....students would have to bury themselves among their text books and do countless hours of research papers night after night....For us music students, not only are we suppose to produce research papers, but we are expected to practice our instruments every day....to make sure that we stay in shape...and even this, I fail to do, because I'm just so packed with daily assignments and classes...in fact, even as I type this post...it is 1:30am, 7th April '07...and I've just finished my Modern Band Ensemble final exam one and half hour ago...yup...thatz right...I finished class today at 12am....talk about having free time, eh?

b)...Music isn't only learning about notes....we also learn about the theory behind the music...learning to understand what and why the composer has written the music piece the way he did....and through that, we learn to compose our own music too...besides that, we have got to know the history of how music has evolved...we learn Aural Training...transcribing music....Band Ensemble skills....so, tell me...which part of this is easy??....Heesh....

Hey, Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that studying to be an Accountant or even a Pharmacist is a piece of cake....but honestly speaking...studying music...Contemporary music...ain't any easier either...

3)...true, the market for Contemporary music in Malaysia is small...but that don't mean that its stagnant...we are all here to study music...for the passion of it...be it in teaching, arranging, composing, performing...or even in music technology....we will survive...well, of course...the bland fact of life, would be that....not all of us would make music as our life long career...but, heck...I'm learning something that I truly love....my life is defined and I'm happy...enough said....

4)...Learning Contemporary music don't mean that I need to DYE my hair green, mousse it up....pierce my nipples and my belly....nor get a dragon tattoo!!!...

Its just really frustrating....being labeled "bad" or even "lost"....or worse..."loser"....just because of they do not understand the very thing that I study....well...sorry, if they don't agree with my choice of career...heck, I'm not living for anyone...but myself...

Exam fever...

....one week of leftover food piled up in a corner...a stack of dirty plates still lying on the sink...countless mugs with coffee stains...manuscript papers and research books all spread out across the bed...crumpled papers staring back forlornly across the room...fingers numb, after writing goodness-knows-how-many music scores...night after night, slaving in front of the monitor screen...hmmm...I think I've just graphically described how a music student's life would look now upon entering one's room....my room at least....now whose fault is it?...blame it on the final exam fever....blame it on procrastination...blame it on the "toilet bowl that got stuck"..."my goldfish died"..."my grandmama wanted to renew her driving license"....blame it on anything...except me...It ain't my fault...*Do I hear an "amen" from other varsity students as well?*...*grin*....

...one week just past...and I already looked a good 10 years older...the week is nearly over...yet, let me see....what do I have for next week...erm....I've still have got my Counterpoint final assessment to prepare...overdue assignments to hand in...I've got my Ear Training practical exams...that is 5 bloody chapters of rhythm to slaughter...countless pages of Temporary Modulation Lines to learn up....hmmm...what else...I've got HAMM exam to revise...going through all the theory of sub-dominants...special dominant functions...deceptive resolutions...contiguous dominants...pedal points...hybrid chords...polychords...modal harmony...12 tone serial-ism...ostinato patterns...melodic constructions...and whatever else that I forgot.....a recording to do for Song Writing...a complete arrangement of a given song for Arranging Class...PLUS sequencing....yup, yup...Thatz how my following week will be....hooooooooowwwww interesting.....yay....

To think that I could finally rest in peace after preparing all of the above....*chuckles to self*....FAT CHANCE...says me to my reflection...The phase comes with its own set of problems... where we encounter the technical part of hiccups ...the printer jams up or when the desktop computer hangs due to heavy infestation of viruses and spy-wares...slow internet services...and also in writing of the music itself, confusion in theoretical analysis and of course, lets not forget one of the most common problem...composer's writing block....

*heesh*... But all in all, these are just my petty grumblings on what most varsity music students come to encounter. I have to confess that after all these grouchiness and protest...when the music comes about....the feeling of satisfaction just goes to prove that it is all worthwhile in the end...when the storm is over, that is....

well, lets hope its over with me soon....I can feel my brain cells about to do the jumpin'-jelly-beans dance...

See If You can Interprete this, Sigmund Freud!!

I've never been a great fan of Sigmund Freud...I'm no psychologist...but I do read many of his books and his theories...especially his works on "Interpretation of Dreams"....but I find that I do not agree with many of his hypothesis...I have the privilege of having a major psychology lecturer as my house mate...and in my many discussions and debates with him, I have come to know that he is an avid fan of Freud buddy here....My house mate, James...has always said that we would actually discover more about ourselves, if we were to really understand the underlined meaning of our dreams...thus, I've decided to take up the challenge of keeping a one week journal of my dreams....starting yesterday...but...HAHAHA....*roars with laughter*....lets see if our Freud buddy here can interpret this!!!.....

DAY I - Wednesday (April 5, 2007)

I was at a dinner reunion in an opened restaurant....at night...my external family were all there...my brothers, my parents...my Aunt Mary and Uncle Liam, who came all the way from Aussie...Uncle Joseph from China...a handful of my cousins...and of course...my nagging grandma....

Oh, before that, you've got to know that I've an astronomy enthusiasts...I love watching stars...the beauty of these balls of gas...against the dark blue sky...exhilarating...

Well, anyway...during this dinner, I looked up to the sky...looking out for stars...it was a clear evening...no clouds at sight...well, probably a couple...I can't recall clearly...I was carrying my brother, Esmond, in my arms...*don't ask me how I did that....I myself can't even answer that question...my brother is already 16 YEARS OLD!!!*....but, yes...I was carrying him in my arms....like anyone would carry a kid..and I looked up at the moon...it was full moon...

Here comes a hilarious part....as I looked up, staring at the moon....I saw...a group of penguins....flying....yup...thats it...flying....as if the idea of a flying penguin is not comical enough....as we all know...penguin belongs to the group of birds which DO NOT fly.....but....any doink would know that there are no penguins to be found in a country such as Malaysia!!...North Pole and South Pole...well...depending on what kind of penguins we are talking about....but in Malaysia??!!...(if anyone is not aware of the existence of Malaysia, it is right smack on the equator, having Thailand, Indonesia and Singapore as our neighbor countries)....and as we know, temperatures along the equator line are high all year round...yup...a hot and humid country....penguins existing there...well...that is just un-thought of, wouldn't you agree?....

So you think that is funny enough?....no??....oh, that is because I forgot to add another detail....I forgot to mention that these 'flying penguins' so-called, were flying in a V pattern...like the geese would usually do, when they are migrating south to escape winter....and they were flying...just in front and across the moon in a horizontal manner...like our dear Santa Claus would, with his little reindeers...the ones we watch on telly over Christmas, anyway...

So, in summary...if nobody bothered to read what I've shared above, my dream was....I was carrying my 16 year old brother in my arms(kid's way)...looking up at the moon, I saw penguins in Malaysia, of all places...flying in a V formation...

In my dreams, there were many groups of penguins flying.......there was a group that was flying low, and nearby where we were eating...one penguin...the leader of the formation, I presume, looked to my direction and waved, as if to say hi....That was when I knew....I've lost it...I've literally lost my mind...I, hereby, officially declare that I'm now certified as 'insane'....the stress of my final exams and projects...have managed to penetrate through...and enter my la-la land as well...*curse them!!*...can't even sleep in peace...

When the penguin waved to say hi, the customers of that restaurant exclaimed in excitement....and amazement, I guess...and all of a sudden, my father got upset...the next thing I knew, I found myself in another restaurant....in a closed one this time...then I asked my dad...as to why the change of location...my dad got into a rage, and shouted that I wasn't paying attention in eating...my mind went bogus..."I thought we were watching penguins fly...and now, suddenly my dad went mad..."....

Then I woke up...too much to take for a night, I think....

So, this one is for you, Mr Freud...it doesn't match the Anal Stage Theory...nor Phallic Stage...Genital Stage...nor any other stages that I've come across when reading your works....no alleys...nor motor/speed cars...nor images of falling...just birds...penguins, to be exact...flying penguins...in a V formation....now, what can you say to that??...any takers??